SarahBear

Not My Doing

2011-05-09T10:04:00.001-07:00

Scared.

Every time I have changed jobs it has been on my terms. I have found new opportunities that would provide better income and care for me and now my family - always climbing up. It feels good to look at my history and see the growth I have made from being the high school hostess at Perkos when I was 16 to becoming a degreed administrative professional administrative for the City of Stockton.

Lots of jobs in between those two which include grocery clerk, wine inventory controller, produce buyer, and secretary. No matter what job I took on I took it because I wanted to make a change and I wanted to build my income. Much importance put on part “I wanted to…”

This June I am making another change. But not by my own doing, not because I want to, and not for the better. Or at least, not for the better – yet. I reserve the right to recognize via hindsight that this is all going to end well.. but for now, it just scares the hell out of me.

I got my lay off notice. It is hitting me that in less than 60 days my life changes dramatically and there is no “plan” in place to handle the change.

The notice I received logically says “We do not have the budget to continue paying for the position that you coincidentally hold.”

The notice I received emotionally says “Yea, you work, but not good enough, smart enough, hard enough, and not in a way that anyone recognizes it is of value, so we are gonna get rid of you so we can keep more worthy workers. You suck.”

I try really hard to stay in the logical half of this equation. I fail sometimes. Today I am failing.

I am scared. I am frustrated. I am mad. I am worried. I am angry. I am frozen.

I don’t know what to do. I am working my ass off trying to accomplish what I have already committed too doing, I am working my ass off trying to do the new things that are being asked of me despite my limited time. I am trying to stay positive to live by my own creed that one should stay positive in adversity – give a 110% to the end.

With all that I am still giving there isn’t a whole lot of time to do what I need to do for me and my family. Like revisit my resume from years past, chat with people and make connections for possible new job opportunities, to gather my portfolio of things I have accomplished so that I can show prospective employers, there isn’t time to identify prospective employers. There isn’t time.

In addition to the stress of needing to find a job to even slightly replace my current income that will soon disappear in a blink, there also is the stress of getting other life issues handled and in order.

My insurance for me and the kids will soon be no more. Not even a 30 day grace period. I walk out of work on June 30^th and on June 30^th they delete me and my family from the healthcare plan. Screw me and my kids – we are just dollar signs. Oh, unless of course I opt to purchase the COBRA plan – for something close to a 1.2 million a month, or some outrageous figure close to that.

I am pissed.

I am scared.

I am frustrated.

I am trying to be hopeful.

I am not alone either. I know this. I try to look up from my little pile of dung and I see clearly that I am not alone – several of us got our lay off notices, several of us are scurrying and scared. I am not alone. But I feel like I am.

The thing is, there isn't an excuse letter I can give to the mortgage company, the credit card company, the water company, the garbage company… they don’t care. They are trying to meet their budgets and they rely on me paying my bills regardless of my situation. Which stinks. More than the garbage.

Part of me wants to chuck everything. Just walk away from it all and start fresh and poor somewhere else. That’s what the big companies do. They file bankruptcy, take their money, go on a vacation somewhere, and then start all over under a new name.

Why can’t I do the same?

Part of me wants to give it all I got and survive. Feel good about staying strong, fighting back, being a person of integrity. Who does this anymore?

I am scared.

But I gotta squash that right now because I have work to do. A statistics report is due. And that is far more important than my own personal future.

I will worry about getting my teeth fixed, Sarah’s ears checked, Elijah’s development evaluated, the car smogged, and the bills paid on my own time. I think I have some of my own time available between 2am and 4am. That’s usually when I wake up in the middle of the silent dark night… wanting to cry.

Ugh! Thankfully I get myself back together by 5:30am when the alarm goes off. Just in time for work.

I know this is just a little rough spot on the path of life. And I know that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I just don’t want this to kill me. We were in a tough spot BEFORE the layoff notice, but limping along… now I am not sure how we will even limp.

But… even though I don’t know how we will do it – I suppose we will do it. We are good people, we do good things… and somehow the Lord will help us through it. Somehow.

But pardon me for a moment today to be scared. And mad. And frustrated.

Taking Pictures of Your Bubbies

2011-04-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

Taking pictures of your bubbies is fun, taking good pictures of your babies requires a little skill. I would like to share with you some tips to taking pictures of your kids that will make an image go from "nice" to "WOW!".

First things first - Be in the Mood! If you try to force a moment with pressure and commands inevitably that stress will show up on your subjects face, in their eyes, and in their smile. Be in the mood. When you see your children feeling playful and cooperative, make a moment of it by getting the camera and capture them being silly. I personally (to my husbands annoyance) leave at least one of my cameras out at all times. Right smack dab on the living room table where I can grab it on a whim. Tucking away your tools just makes it harder to get to them when a photographic moment occurs.

Get Down! I don't mean boogie, however doing a little dancing with your child before you take pictures is always fun, I mean get down to the ground! Put you and the camera at eye level with your child. Pictures taken from their level will feel more intimate and later when you look at the photograph you will still feel like you are right there with the child. Besides, kids get tired of looking up all the time and hearing their parents demanding it, "Look up here, look up here, look up here!" Instead, get down and be with them. When you do this, you will see that they don't even have to be looking at the camera for an awesome shot - documenting them from their height playing with a toy or discovering their hands is just as sweet.

Get Close! Not up the nose close, but close enough that your subject fills the frame of the camera. It is my opinion that while the scenery surrounding a subject may be pretty, ultimately you will want to look back and see your child more than you will want to see the couch, carpet or garden. Get close and take pictures of the smile, the eyelashes, the little button nose. Move around and get pictures of hands and toes too.

Relax! If taking pictures of your child starts to feel frustrating then put the camera down. Play. Be there with the child but also keep the camera handy. I tell my clients all the time, when I am hired to take pictures of their little ones, you are hiring me to "play" with them more than anything. I have my camera handy, settings ready, ideas in my mind, but first and foremost - I play. Sometimes the camera has to be set down and a connection needs to be made before I take the photographs that makes the mom swoon.

This is an image from a recent session. What *I* think makes it a good photograph are the same things listed above. I had fun, I relaxed, I got low, and the focus was more on the flowers than on her to create a mood, dream like. I also took the exact same photo and switched the focus from the foreground to the background and is equally as beautiful, *to me*. But that's part of the fun - take what looks good *to you* and fall in love with your own artistry.

Take Them! Take the pictures! No matter if you take the pictures yourself or collaborate with Moomp Photography to take the pictures - just be sure to take them. Babies grow fast. Whether they are newborns, preschoolers, or our tween-agers - they grow fast and the moments in their life should be captured because no matter how much you think "I will never forget this moment" your mind will never remember it as clearly as a photograph.

Lastly... Print! In the age of digital photography we (me included) become to complacent with the idea that the picture is there, in some file, in the camera or on the computer. But the truth is, having a million files tucked away in the computer will never evoke the same emotion as seeing an image in print. Whether you go big and extravagant with a 30x30 canvas or small with a 5x7 desk print - print the picture. At least print one from each "session" you have.
Some ideas for prints:

Pick a space that is dedicated to posting small pictures, but a lot of pictures. In our house we have a door to the garage with a window in it (old home) and the window creeped me out. But it seemed a little too dorky to my taste to put up a curtain. Instead, we print small sizes of our snapshots of the people in our life (including our children) and have created a collage that covers the window. I cannot tell you how many people stop to stare and enjoy the trip down memory and friend lane.

Image boxes are a treat. Have a custom made image box that can hold over two hundred 5x7's. The box itself is a custom made photo wrapped box of your select image. Then, have 5x7's printed and adhered to mounting board. These durable prints are perfect to place on a $5 easel. Rotate each month, each week with a new image from your box.

Wall displays are AWESOME. Pick a wall space in your home, measure the overall space available and then begin designing a display of assorted image sizes. Don't get worried about which photos, just design the "display of shapes" first. If you need assistance with this Moomp Photography would gladly be of service. Once you have the display mapped out, begin picking prints from your collection that tell a story or that match well to your overall decorating theme for your house. Have wrapped prints created by Moomp or have them mounted on styrene for a more affordable option. Velcro them into place according to your display draft and "waa-laaa" you have a display that can quickly be changed out with new images as they come along. Just unstick the old and velcro up the new. Yes. Velcro. It won't "look" like velcro, it will look MAGNIFICENT! Trust me.

Another idea, and one we do every year for the Mompean family, is to have books printed. I use to love yearbook time in school. Seeing the images taken throughout the school year compiled neatly in a book that I could thumb through any time I wanted. About 5 years ago we started up our Mompean Yearbook. Every Christmas I print over 20 books to disperse to family that showcase images of our life throughout the year. Every year these books become more and more valuable as life changes. All to suddenly a random picture of Great Uncle Dave can become priceless.

Oh, and about the yearbooks - not only is it a gift to you, but to your kids. I cannot tell you how many times Sarah has pulled out the yearbook to find pictures of her as a baby - like when she doesn't believe me when I tell her she had nearly no hair. She has to go see it for herself - and she can - on page 7 of the 2005 yearbook.

Photographys: Take them. Print them. Cherish Them.

And if you want help – we’re here:
www.facebook.com/moompphotography
www.moompphotography.com

Thank You Mattie for Throwing Up! Really.

2011-04-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

I recently had to leave work early to pick up Mattie from his daycare. He was not feeling well. Throwing-up, fussy, and warm to the touch. They weren’t kidding. Kim actually picked him up and brought him home to me so I could watch him for the afternoon and sure enough, he was warm with a low-grade fever, his eyes were red and puffy, and he sounded a little raspy. So we relaxed.

We relaxed after I ran a few errands. After I went to Sarah's School Open House. After I stopped by the store. After... then we relaxed. I loved on him, cuddled him, giggled with him.

Yes, giggled. That boy seems to smile NO MATTER WHAT! Even when he is not well he cannot contain the smile that melts my heart. Boy do I love him.

Then the next morning as I peered over his crib railing, there he is, upside down and sideways from how I laid him the night before, and smiley. BIG SILLY GRINS right at me.

Swoon.

Then he made a noise, a sneeze, and a cough all at once. Sick. Baby Mattie was still not well and I had to call in one more day, but I still coordinated with Kim that I would have time in the afternoon to keep work related appointments that were already on my schedule and should not be cancelled.

So home we stayed. And we relaxed.

We relaxed after I did the dishes. After I did laundry. After I checked work email. After I made the bed. After I made a few important calls and sent necessary emails. After... then we relaxed. I loved him, cuddled him, giggled with him. Yes, still giggly and lovey that boy of mine.

It was nice being with him, it felt good to be the one to watch after him and make sure he was eating well, keeping his temperature at norm, loving him, and making sure he felt safe. It was good for him.

For me.

Then that night, as I held him in my arms after he sucked down a much needed dose of watery apple juice, I realized something. As I was staring at Mattie way more than I was staring at the television, it hit me. I think that this whole "staying home with my sick son" was actually doing me WAAAAAAAAY more good than it did him. He would have been just fine had I taken him to his daycare that day.

In case my boss is reading, please note, it is the daycare’s policy to keep a child home 24 hours from when they were sent home ill. So even if I think he was ok, he couldn’t have gone back. Just sayin’. Need a note?

Throughout the whole day his temperature never spiked, he ate well, he giggled and laughed, he was completely fine. Sure, he still had the raspy voice and was a little congested, but I am starting to believe that those were just the symptoms of “vallergies".

He was truly fine. But I wasn't.

I am dealing with the notification of being laid off, the reality that I am flat-out unable to pay one of my credit cards, that I am on a mad dash to see every doctor I can for every part of my body while I still have medical insurance. I am healing from a procedure that ensures that Mattie will be my last child -EVER! I am worrying about my mom whom has been in a hospital this month more than she has been in a hospital for her entire life, I am coping with the uncertainty of my future. I am coping. Barely.

I am trying to stick to my motto of "110 to the end" giving my all to my work, to the people I work with, to the people that work with me. I am managing my best to manage.

But I needed a break.

Not one that I would take by my own volition. No way! Sheesh, I got work to do! I got a break that was mandated by the fact that Mattie threw up. It took me the day and a half that I was off to really get it. I still hurried around, accomplished things, kept commitments, and insured that my husband and daughter would have clean socks and underwear for the week, but eventually I realized.

As I sat last night holding Mattie in my arms after he sucked down that bottle of watery apple juice, as his eyes slowly shut until his beautiful eyelashes were resting on his cheeks, as I looked down to realize that he is already so tall that his feet wrap around to the side of my body, it hit me. I needed this. I needed him. I needed to slow down. I needed to breathe. I needed to be well nourished by the reality that what is THE MOST IMPORTANT "thing to do" is my family.

This boy of mine, the daughter that was sleeping in my bed, and the husband that was enjoying a night out with "the guys" playing music and jammin'--they are what is MOST IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE and it would do me good to slow the hell down and enjoy them.

Before I do the dishes. Before I do the laundry. Before I run a few errands. Before I consume myself with the worries of what lays in my future. I need to pay attention to what is in my presence. And what is in my presence is this little 15lb smile machine of a boy that blessed my life unexpectedly. He, his sister, their father, each of their older brothers and sisters, my mom, my family... they are my heart and soul.

Please forgive me if I am late on an assignment because I was home sick for a day and a half. Please forgive me that I needed to reschedule our meeting because I was home sick for a day and a half. Please forgive me if I didn't call you right back or send you an email because I was home sick for a day and a half. Instead, celebrate me because I actually got my priorities straight. First things first. Family.

When I am late with my mortgage payment it is not my lender that will hold and squeeze me tight and tell me it is all going to be ok -- that will by my husband.

When I am showing up at work wearing tennis shoes and jeans on a Tuesday because I didn't get to the laundry it will not be my employer that hugs me around the legs and tells me I am cute -- that will be my daughter.

When I am frustrated for having to jump through hoops of fire and leap over ridiculous hurdles just to do something GOOD for my community it will not be the pompous bureaucrat that snuggles in my arms, grins ear to ear and does his best to say "ma-ma" -- that will be my son.

They are who I live for. And I will GLADLY and RIGHTFULLY take any time necessary to love and nurture them – and myself.

So, with that said, Mattie... I am glad that you are better today. I am very grateful that you are smiley as ever and able to keep food in your tummy.

Because you are well you are off to daycare this morning where you can enjoy the friendships of your peers and the love of another doting mom.

Because you are well I am where I am, going to work, which is where I belong for today.

But let me be VERY CLEAR, if you (or your Dad or your sissies or brothers) need me. I am a call away. I will drop EVERYTHING to take care of you, which takes care of me.

Not after I send that one last email, but before all else. I am here for you.

I love you Kim, Sarah, and Mattie. Thank you for teaching me, again, what is MOST IMPORTANT in my life.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mom

Sew What?

2011-02-26T20:32:00.000-08:00

What I know about me and sewing... I know I cannot. It is that clear and simple. Can't sew, I know it, I am ok with it.

But who in this world would make me forget this fact? Sarah, that's who. She made me forget that I can't tell which end to hold a needle let alone how to work a pedal on an actual sewing machine.

She didn't even ask me to sew, all she did was fall in love with Rapunzel (although, the world must know that Ariel is still her number one princess) - the hair, the green eyes, and of course - the dress. The pink and purple, ornate, full of ribbon, brocade, golden trim dress. It is a very very complicated dress. And Sarah dreamed of it.

I must have been dreaming, or rather, hallucinating, when I thought for a single, solitary second that *I* could make anything close to a Rapunzel dress. Be that as it may, I drove off into the sunset one evening to the dress making supply store - otherwise known as Joann's. I spent a sickening amount of money that I still refuse to say aloud. Sickening.

I bought everything. Purple satin material, pink satin material, ribbon, lining material, gold and purple brocade material, rick-rack, thread, pins, and the most complicated pattern that has ever been made. Then I went to my BFF's, Gina's, and said, "Please help me, I have no idea what I have done or what I will do with anything I just bought and what the hell does 'baste' mean when there is no turkey involved in this project?!"

That was 6 weeks ago.

My goal was to have a Rapunzel dress done by Halloween.

I not only made my goal, but I laughed in its face.

The dress is now done.

But it was a long and tumultuous journey.

This is what I now know:

I DO NOT SEW!
Basting is to run a seam through fabric as a "place holder" of sorts. It will come out later, but is ESSENTIAL when sewing the bodice of a Rapunzel dress.
The tips of my fingers are VERY sensitive to pin-pricking. They actually bruise.
I should never-ever sew with kids around because apparantly I not only attempting to be a seamstress, but a very angry sailor too - lordy what I can say when a needle hits the tip of my fingers or when I sew a sleeve closed.
Rapunzel would have been just as beautiful in a pillow case dress.
Friends should be the first thing mentioned on the "things you will need" list that comes with any project. Thank you Gina!
The M6141 McCall sewing pattern runs small. Up the size or add a pinch to the waist!
Convincing yourself that it doesn't matter if the hem is wonky or the sleeves are two different lengths is easier as the clock nears midnight - on a work night.
I hate hemming.
Leaving blood on fabric is a way of signing your masterpiece.
Listening to music while sewing is mandatory. Pink or Fergie can really getchya motivated. Listening to John Denver does not.
Ignore the "buy a little extra yardage" rule and instead buy an extra seven yards. This comes in very handy when you cut out a pattern and realize the pattern is a junior size 12 and not the kids size 5.
Remove the pins before you have your daughter "test" the dress. She will likely cry when she gets poked in the arm, neck, butt. I know this.

However, I am not proud to report that I have just increased my "your cool mom" factor by at least a half a point because Sarah is the proud owner of a completed Rapunzel dress. She proudly wore it today as we went to pick up pizza, and guess what, nobody pointed and gawked at the terrible hem, the grommets replaced with snaps, the "pinned" bodice that would only look good unpinned if it was worn by a five year old with "a rack". In fact, the opposite took place. People smiled and said, "Your daughter is beautiful!"

I enjoyed the compliments, but the truth is, I bet the Sarah Bear would have gotten just as many smiles had she been wearing a pillow case dress.

Here she is before we went out for a hot chocolate together. Does anyone know how to get hot chocolate out of satin?

It Ain't Easy!

2011-02-15T22:08:00.000-08:00

Being a photographer is soooo much fun! I love taking pictures of kids, couples, babies, weddings, seniors, award recipients, puppies, cats, and anyone or anything else that asks me to. I love when a client calls Moomp Photography for a session because it means that they value having a moment in time documented. It means that they recognize that life moves swiftly and if we don't stop and capture a smile, laugh, cry, tickle, cuddle, giggle, it will be gone, and sadly, forgotten.

I love photography. So much so that I should do a separate post on that topic alone.

This is not that post.

This is a post about a non-client. A person that did not call Moomp Photography, but still finds herself in front of my camera... often.

This is a post about taking pictures of Sarah Bear.

Sarah Bear does not like having her picture taken... UNLESS and UNTIL there are bribes of M&M's, park trips, her own photo session where SHE gets to take the pictures, or, lately, a promise to go to California Adventure.

When we do finally agree on a bribe, it is still a long and tedious project.

But nobody really knows that truth.

They think, "Oh, you must love taking pictures of Sarah, everything you take of her is so beautiful, she must be a great model."

Well, I do love taking pictures of Sarah. I love the final product... I even actually love the journey. But I want to be clear that the journey is long, treacherous, and yields many an outtake to come up with that one picture that makes me forget that I promised her a two pound bag of chocolate.

But instead of 'telling' you about the journey of taking pictures, let me 'show' you.

The following images are only a few... a very very few of the outtakes in a mini session that lasted 25 minutes but gave me the perfect 4 images to use on her Valentines Card for 2011.

Sarah Bear - my beautiful Sarah Bear:

And the final product - which I love! It ain't easy taking picture of my bubby, but it is extremely rewarding when I have these to look at. And it will be even more rewarding when I pull them out for her wedding slideshow years down the road!

Who Knew?!

2011-02-14T13:53:00.000-08:00

WHO KNEW?! Who knew, and didn’t tell me, that losing a tooth would be so difficult? Not painful… difficult. And it isn’t even MY tooth! It’s Sarah’s.

Sarah’s little baby front incisor tooth… is gone.

At first I was all proud mama… “my big girl, check out her smile, she lost a tooth!” And now I am all “what’s the world coming too? Who is in charge of taking my baby girl away from me one tooth at a time?”

I thought I could handle it, this growing up thing. But clearly I cannot. I am probably the only mom that, whilst doing laundry, gets teary-eyed at the thought of Sarah not only losing her first tooth, but of the other teeth that will be jumping ship in the near future.

In fact, the right incisor tooth is already wiggly, anxious to join it’s twin that now resides in my underwear drawer (shhh, don’t tell Sarah, as far as she knows the tooth fairy has it on display in some fairy created tooth museum).

That little baby tooth has been a part of our life for over 5 years! FIVE YEARS!! And then BOOM (or more realistically, YANK!) it’s gone. It is the outward symbol that my little baby girl is growing up and quite fankly, I’m not ready for that!

However, in the midst of my being traumatized for what is being taken away from me, I am also greatly excited for what the future will bring. I look forward to Sarah growing up and becoming a young lady. I look forward to her having girl dates with me, shopping with me and saying “Moooo-ooooom, you aren’t seriously gonna wear that, are you?” I look forward to her telling me about her first big test, her first school dance, her first of anything… the “firsts” of anything are exciting!

Even the first tooth “lost” is exciting. It marks a moment in time. No going backward, only forward, only conquering new and greater things. So, I will wipe my mama tears and join Sarah in the celebration. She can’t stop smiling and is soooo proud of becoming a big girl marked by her toothless grin. I can and I will join her.

I love you baby girl, and just know that, no matter HOW MANY TEETH YOU LOSE, you will ALWAYS be my baby girl. My baby “big” girl.

I need a scotch.

Parenting Sarah

2011-02-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

I love my daughter. I love my daughter with all my heart and soul. She is amazingly bright, incredibly gifted, a real thinker, and the sweetest big sister to her little brother.

She is also 5.

And while I am glad she is not yet 16; that I am not yet having to keep her away from drugs, out of the cars of careless kids, or freaking out about what she is doing at the school dance or even wondering if she is AT the school dance, I do still have some challenges before me.

The basic skills are being taught, and quite frankly, that comes with a whole lot of stress too.

Here are some things we are working on:

Please do not use the couch as your napkin. Please. Let me remind you of the actual napkin that is RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR PLATE/BOWL. Momma can't buy another couch until Elijah is 17 so this has to last awhile!
If there is money in my coat pocket, and you go into my coat pocket to retrieve it, you cannot say "I found this money so can I use it to buy gum/candy/a rapunzel doll. It is my money, put it back, please. However, if you wash dishes you can earn some money.
Wash your hands after you use the restroom. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. and in EVERY. SINGLE. BATHROOM. That is not just a "our house" rule. It is an EVERYWHERE rule. Tops and bottoms and in between, good girl.
Your jacket does not belong on the floor. It does not belong on the floor today. It did not belong on the floor yesterday, and, it is safe to say, it will not belong on the floor tomorrow. However, the knob on the end of your bed makes a pretty good coat hook.
No, you cannot have teddy grahams for dinner. You have NEVER had teddy grahams for dinner and we aren't starting tonight. Or tomorrow. But they do make a delicious dessert.
*I* did not forget to do your homework. *You* forgot to do your homework. However, if you need help, just ask and I will gladly be your partner.
No means no. No does not mean, I will think about it. It does not mean ask again in 5 minutes. It does not mean yes. And it does not mean I don't love you. It just means no. And I love you.
Yes, you have to take a bath - AGAIN. I know it was only a day or two ago that you last took one, but you STILL have to take one again. And, just to stave off confustion later, you will need to take ANOTHER bath/shower a day or two from now FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Yes, you can use my "good smelly stuff". Thank you for asking.
Please pronounce the name mom in one syllable. Please do not call me Mother. Mama, Mommy, Mimi, Bestest Mom in the whole world... all of those will do fine.
Please brush your teeth. Actually brush them. Use the toothpaste and scrub. Don't wait until I call you over to smell your breath before you realize that you "forgot" to brush them. Just go brush them. Then come see me and I will gladly smell your breath and kiss your face all over.
Please, go to bed. Really, go to bed. It's late, it's time, it's mandatory. Go to bed. The sooner you go to bed the better you will be when you wake, the happier I will be and that makes for a hot chocolate treat to go.

Am I the only mom that finds myself repeating myself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY? I say the same things over and over. I say the same things over and over. See how I just did that?

I am use to being repetitive in life. When I worked at the college I was saying the same things EVERY DAY, but at least it was to different students that really did hear it for the first time (at least from me). But with Sarah it often times is like a revelation when I say the same thing over and over.

Me: "Please put on your pajamas, it's time for bed." (at 7:00 EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT)
She: "Whaaaaa?"

However, despite the annoyingness of it all, I do it. I repeat myself. I repeat myself. I teach. I teach. And when the day is done and I am quietly sitting on the couch with my final cup of coffee, my heart swells. She does drive me nuts, you betchya. But when I sneak in to take a peek at her after she has fallen asleep and I see her all cuddled in bed, with her prayer hands beneath her cheek, I smile and thank God for the blessing that he has given me in her.

She is amazing.

She was amazing 6 years ago when she was but a blip on the sonogram machine, and she is amazing still.

Wait, is that her coat on the floor?????

2010-08-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Sarah,

We are so proud of you. It is heavy on my heart this morning to declare to you just how incredibly important you are to me, to your dad, to your brothers and sister… to your family. We love you so much it cannot be described or contained.

You are five years old, a kindergarten expert after only one month, and a beautiful little girl that lights up my our world. I am truly astonished as to how much you know, how much you have grown, how amazing you are, how independent you are… how you are just so incredibly – YOU!

Together, you, daddy and I are soon to welcome another family member into our life and as I think about your little baby brother coming into our circle I cannot help but feel a mixture of joy and sadness. Joy wins out for sure, but the sadness exists because it makes it all too real how much you have grown! I remember like it was yesterday when we brought YOU home from the hospital.

I remember holding you and being mesmerized by your look, your warmth, your smell and your little-ness. You were perfect. You are perfect. You were a perfect baby, and now you are a perfect big girl. I use to be able to hold you in one arm, making bottles, stirring coffee, writing notes with the other – one arm! Now I hold you in two arms, and barely! You cuddle up to my chest just as you always have, but instead of tucking your legs up they now dangle to the floor, so long and tall.

I miss you as a baby, but at the same time I am so excited for how you are growing and how big you are right now. I use to do so much for you, and now we do things together! We have conversations about everything under the sun, share ideas, help each other with deciding how to decorate a room or what to make for dinner. I do your hair, and you do mine! It is incredible to me what a difference these 5 years have made.

Soon you and I will be conquering new things like, “How do we get Little Boy Moomp to stop crying?”

From the moment I learned I was again pregnant there was a small piece of me that wondered and worried how it would go, how could I have another baby and share the love I have for you with him, but now I have the answer… my heart just doubles! There is no less love for you or for him, I just naturally make space for more! And the best thing is, you and I are doing it together. I watch you play with your brothers things, help me pick out clothes for him, and blankets – making sure that they are the right amount of soft and the best amount of special – and I realize – your heart is growing too. Together we are already falling in love with Little Boy Moomp.

Thank you Sarah for being you. I love you! All of you! I love the cuddly, giggly, smart, performing you… and I equally love the stubborn, defiant, tender hearted you. Yes, you have tested my sanity and strength at times, but that is you – and as I have always said – I love you – all of you – all the time – no matter what!

As you have said, it isn’t long before three will become four. I am so glad to have you in my life and by my side as you, daddy, and I are going to welcome your little baby brother into our life as well. But let’s promise each other this – while we will both love being four instead of three – let’s still be only two on occasion. You and me baby – we will always have time for each other, quiet moments where I get to snuggle with you and only you.

Kisses and hugs baby girl… Mommy loves you so much.

A letter...

2010-07-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Non-Pregnant Heather,

I remember how easy it was to be you. When you wanted something done, you didn't have to wait on people to move the heavy stuff. You would climb up on chairs, couches, tables, or anything else if needed to hang a picture or a decoration. When you did something stupid (which wasn't nearly as often) you could laugh instead of cry. When you dropped something on the floor, you didn't think about how bad you needed it before picking it up. Oh, and you could button your pants! You could wait until a meal time to eat. And you had clothes to wear. Clothes - plural. And let's not forget that you could sleep on your tummy. Oh how I miss sleeping on my tummy now.

While I enjoy being pregnant and am doing my best to suck up every moment of the present, I cannot deny that I look forward to seeing you again in 2 1/2 months.

Sincerely,
Pregnant Heather

p.s. Where are the pickles?

Random Monday

2010-07-12T10:53:00.001-07:00

Why does blogger make me type my password twice EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I log in?
Why didn't anyone tell me that I could gain 4.5 pounds in ONE WEEK?
Can someone tell me how to lose 4.5 pounds in ONE WEEK?
I like when I go to the bathroom at work, in the morning, and the stall I choose has the seat up. This DOES NOT mean that a man used the bathroom before me, it means that I am the FIRST to use the bathroom after the janitor has cleaned. That is a sign of a good morning. Today is a good morning.
My brother had a baby.
Yes, I have a brother - and a sister in law- whom actually had the baby seeing that my brother is not properly equipped with a uterus.
Sarah wanted to know if one of the characters in a show was going to "defeat" the other character. DEFEAT?! I didn't say "defeat" when I was four. I might have said "gunna win him" or something, but "defeat"? That's a big word. I am proud of her.
Sarah starts kindergarten in 14 days. My heart goes off to school to learn math and stuff in 14 days.
I cannot tell the world how much I love Kim. There are not enough words or time to convey how lucky I feel for having him in my life. I take it for granted a lot of the time (sad, but true) and now and then I look up from the life routine to realize what an incredible blessing he is. INCREDIBLE. I am blessed beyone belief and if he loves me even an iota as much as I love him, I am happy.
Do not make berry smoothies unless you are prepared to suck on about 15 seeds per sip.
Clean sinks make me smile.
Dirty toilets make me frown.
I want my tub resurfaced and caulked so that it doesn't look like some kind of mold hazard. I cannot get it clean and when I caulk it myself it comes off within 2 weeks.
Sarah climbed in my bed lastnight and drowsily hugged me tight around the neck. That is an incredible feeling.
Sarah's having a birthday party (5!) this Saturday and I am so excited!
I hope this Saturday doesn't get hotter than 95 degrees. I can't take it.
Can someone please remind me to take my vitamins today. I forgot this morning. And yesterday. And the day before that.
Question for the magic eight ball: Will I ever have a date night with Kim?
I want a pink cruiser bike with a basket on the handlebars.
I want a matching pink cruiser bike for Sarah - with training wheels.
I want a blue cruiser bike for Kim
I want a matching blue cruiser bike for Boy Moomp - with training wheels.
I walked 2 miles on Sunday.
My feet hurt.
I want to send Sarah and Kim to the movies next week for father daughter time. But I want to go to. Toy Story 3 MUST.BE.SEEN.
I will get to see my Mom and Kelly shortly.
I might? get to see my sister and brother-in-law shortly?
Auntie Gina would be proud to know that Sarah wanted to wear a dress to go on a bicycle ride. Kim was proud to know that I insisted she wear shorts underneath.
It's July and I am already excited about Halloween.

Like I said... random!

Happy 6th of July!

2010-07-06T14:16:00.001-07:00

Happy 6th of July!!! Wooohooo! But I have to say, while I am glad to enjoy the 6th of July, the 4th was muuuuuch more fun.

Kim, Sarah and I loaded the truck full of "stuff" and headed outta town to see Gina and Walt (and the crew). It took me 8 hours to pack, 4 hours to drive, and 2 hours to get the most obnoxius sunburn at the beach. What makes it obnoxious? Oh, well, I wore my sunglasses, all day, and now I look like a fool because of the mark that was burned into my face. My nose and cheeks are bright red, as is my forehead, but I have big ol' raccoon white eyes and a strip of white across the bridge of my nose. I look pathetic.

But overall, I don't care because I had a good time, I was surrounded by family and friends, I was on the beach, none of us caught on fire, I ate well, and the weather was as spectacular as the fireworks!

We played all day on the beach and then as the sun went down the men made a bonfire to rival all other fires! We huddled, ate s'mores, and looked into the sky to be mesmerized by the brilliant colors. Sarah said it best... "This is UH-MAY-ZING!"

She was right, it was amazing. The whole weekend was amazing! The friendship, food, card games, coffee, and conversation was fantastic! I hated driving away from it all...

But, today, on the 6th of July, I have amazing memories of the weekend to get me through another work day. What a perfect celebration of our UH-MAY-ZING country and a fantabulous kick-off to the rest of the summer to come. My summer goal is to make more memories such as these and to continue to celebrate all the things that are right within my life.

Now excuse me while I go apply more make-up to blend the redness of my nose into the whiteness of my eyelids.

LOTI

2010-06-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

One of many things that annoy me... about me.

LOL

Laugh Out Loud

I type it all the time. Sometimes I even type ROFLMBO, but in truth, I'm not really, except for on the inside.

I should text that!

LOTI

Laughing on the Inside

Cause in honesty, I do that a lot more... I keep my giggles tucked in. I don't know why I don't let laughter come out and play, but I can tell you I don't like that I am not more free with the chuckles. I get so envious of those around me that can laugh out loud without any effort at all. They just erupt with joy.

Kim erupts with joy and laughter ALL.THE.TIME.

And I love it.

And I want to do it too.

But for some reason the laughter gets stuck in my throat.

I will physically jiggle a little because the laughter can't completely be contained, but rarely is there any noise. Why is this?

Don't get me wrong, on occasion I do laugh out loud. And sometimes, once it comes out, I can't stop it. I get into laughing fits that make me cry and eventually became so powerful that I can't make noise or breathe, I literally gasp for air. I love those laughing fits. They are excercise for my soul and my spirit. I feel like all the laughing I keep tucked inside gets to come out in one full swoop and when it does - it is literally uncontrollable and freeing at the same time. Laugh Therapy!

Maybe that's what it is... control. I am scared to erupt in laughter because it is not "controlled"?

EWW!

That's kinda gross - happiness controlled? Who wants that?

I want to be more like Kim!

I want to LOL.

I think I will practice more.

Blink

2010-06-24T10:07:00.001-07:00

I blinked and, yet again, time flew by.

Sorry about that.

Here's the rundown:

Worked, had a photo session, laughed with Sarah, mowed the yard, broke the weed-eater, cooked spaghetti, had family get togethers, cleaned house, got house dirty, mowed, bit nails while Kim took a test, thought about cleaning garage, didn't actually clean garage, watched baby transform my tummy into wierd shapes, worked, slept, had another photo session, cleaned house, got house dirty, played with Sarah, did dishes, dirtied dishes, cuddled with Kim, hugged Joshua, picked at toes, did laundry, had another photo session, dreamed of a bigger home, fantasized about going to Disneyland, made plans to see Gina, asked for a sonogram, didn't get it, mowed the yard.

All in all, things are status quo. Same busy-ness as ever.

Thoughts that have consumed me are:

1) Concern for Sarah starting Kindergarten. I worry that the transition will be tough for both her and I. She will be out of the home for a long time during the week, in an environment more structured than she has ever had. No naps. She will be expected to learn things; which is good. But I know how much she wants to be good at everything she does and I worry that she will get frustrated because she hasn't learned yet that it's ok to not be perfect the first time around - or the 80th time around.

I worry that she will miss her Sissy. Right now she gets to see Sissy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, let alone the two neighbor girls. I worry that she will start off not liking school because she sees it as getting in the way of having fun; and won't realize being at school can actually be fun too. I worry.

I know she will do well, I know she will be challenged, I know she will grow... but, I worry.

2) Realization, true, to the core, no doubts, that this baby inside of me is a blessing. Yes, sad to admit, but for quite awhile I wasn't feeling the "blessing" part so much. I was more consumed with how we would afford him, where we would house him, how people would accept him, how he would fit into our existing life. But lately, I realize that HE.JUST.WILL. He will fit perfectly as a matter of fact. I don't have answers to all the questions, but I am at a spot where I "know" that it will all work out.

As a result of this new gained acceptance, I have some remorse. With Sarah, from the moment I peed on the first of seven pregnancy test sticks, I knew that I loved her, I accepted her completely, and I was mesmerized by the ENTIRE process of being pregnant and having a child. With little boy Moomp I let months go by before I found the joy. I wasn't miserable, but I wasn't as joyous as I should have been.

Now, as of recently, I celebrate him every single day. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I will stop what I am doing and just "feel" him. Sometimes in my heart, sometimes in my breath, and sometimes literally. I just "feel" him and talk to him and love him completely. He is such a blessing. He is amazing already and I really know it. I believe it. I celebrate it.

He's an active guy. He rolls around, does subtle somersaults and intense kicks... I love all of it! At night, when I relax watching the boob tube I realize that I am actually watching him more than the TV. I watch him move about and cause my belly to take on different shapes. I try to encourage him to tap back at me. I hold him by cradling my tummy. And then I giggle because while I imagine I am holding his head in my arms I realize I very well may be holding his butt - and either way - it makes me happy.

I love you little boy Moomp. Sorry it has taken me this long to completely realize how amazing this moment in our life is, but at the same time, please know that I DO realize how amazing this moment is. You and me lovie. We are growing together and we will continue to do so even after you have entered this world. I love you tremendously.

3) I am realizing how necessary it is that I simplify my life. Life is complicated enough without cluttering it up with "stuff". I have too much "stuff", to the point that it gets in the way of my living. I want to free my life up from "things" and instead fill it up with moments. I know it is easier said than done, but I think the older I get the more I realize that the things we think we need are actually the things that suffocate us. The more stuff we have the less we can move about in this world. Things become anchors that keep us from experiencing life to the fullest. I want to have a garage sale. I want to get rid of "stuff" and instead spend my time and money making memories and experiencing things beyond my understanding. I want to travel, to be active, to soak up people, to soak up the weather, the landscape, the moment.

Anyone wanna help me clean my house and organize a massive sale?

Well, there you have it, a quick peek into my crazy life. Stay tuned for future posts that detail out the way I feel about Sarah turning FIVE YEARS OLD! FIVE! See, I blinked, and time flew by. I love you Sarah... I look forward to celebrating another year in which you have enriched my life more than I could have ever imagined.

What's Going On?

2010-06-07T08:49:00.001-07:00

I was on a roll (does two weeks in a row count as a roll) with posting every Monday, but then last Monday got away from me! I was too wrapped up in the Holiday and thinking of my brother and all HIS brothers that fought and continue to fight for our freedom.

But, I learned if I wait long enough another Monday will roll around and give me another opportunity to blog. So here I am. And yes, Gina, I realize that I can blog on any other day of the week too!! :)

So here's the Monday rundown (if you want to get a cuppa joe I can wait here):

Have been shooting some awesome new clients and enjoying thoroughly their company. I love when Kim and I meet people, we call them clients, but when we leave we feel like we are friends. And to be honest, we secretly hope they will invite us to one of their summer BBQ's so we can meet up again soon.

I suppose one of the many reasons we feel like friends as opposed to hired help is because we do things that no normal human would do on a job! Liiiiiike... how many people make tooting noises at work to get people to giggle? How about asking if a bird just landed on my head? Climbing in bushes? Having to take your daughter along on a gig because babysitters are hard to come by on a three day weekend and asking if said daughter can use "clients" bathroom? Yea, that's professional! That's what "friends" do? Right?

What else.

WE HAD A VISIT FROM JOSHUA! I have been holding that in and enjoying it all myself because it was such an incredible treat! We were up in the hills when we got the text. "What are you doing today?" Kim immediately replied, "Just finished a session and are free to do anything, do you need us to visit?"

Breanna texted back and said "We are in town and want to see you." Nuff said, we pushed the gas pedal a little further down and headed home! Sarah was excited too, she has been missing her Joshie and the quick visit a week and half ago was just a tease.

We went home, got the house cleared of debris and made room for family. EVERYONE was coming over and we couldn't be more thrilled! Grandma, Uncle Dave, Joshie and Bree, Jake and Alicia, Harmony and Brian, Sandy and Chris... it was a full house and Kim and I had full hearts.

THIS is what we miss, THIS is what we cherish, THIS is what is important. Family! We need them, they are the air we breathe.. :) corny as it sounds, it's sooooo true!

In the midsts of celebrating Joshie, we celebrated Alicia too! It was her birthday and cake was on the menu. After we all ate DaVinci's raviolis and salad. I ::heart:: DaVinci's! Songs were sang, stories told, games played, laughs abundant - cups were filled - cups meaing souls - filled meaning overflowing with happiness.

Then... we went to work.

That does not need to be recapped.

Work is work is work. We are INCREDIBLY THANKFUL that we still have jobs and are pleased with each week that passes without receiving "the talk" and accompanying pink slip, but still, work is work is work.

Then this past weekend we took off out of town! A GETAWAY! Sarah and I prepared for a Friday departure so that by the time Kim got off work we could hit the road! We stopped to deliver to a client on the way, and then up the hill we went. Tahoe Baby!

We booked the trip nearly a year ago and forgot about it until recently. So it was quite a treat to us, we could use a little time away. Kim needed to study and I needed to be pulled away from work work work. The thing is, we pulled up late Friday night to check in and learned that our check in day was actually SATURDAY! Great! Luckily, the accommodated us anyway, which is saying a lot because South Shore Tahoe is usually heavily booked and no rooms available, but we were blessed.

Kim studied Saturday while Sarah and I played in the pool and watched ZARTAN - or Tarzan for the rest of us. She calls it Zartan... which makes us giggle just the same as when she calls Pinocchio Pidocchio. And then she asks for the merote so we can hit play on the movie. She makes me giggle.

Sunday we traded off, Kim went swimming with the Sarah while I soaked up the sun (burned my chest) and watched the two of them practice zippers, streamlines... and bellyflops. Sarah is getting quite good at all three.

We headed back home, unpacked, watched a shark expedition show for a half hour and then went to bed... just in time to get up for work work work.

And now we get through these next five days so we can get back to what we love most - FAMILY TIME!

Oh, and this weekend marked an important occasion too - Sarah got to feel her brother kick. So did Kim. I have been feeling it for awhile, but now the little guy is getting pretty strong and it's pretty easy to have others feel him too. I am just glad that he is moving away from my cervix! THAT is not so comfortable, but the slow somersaults and kicks are kinda fun. We love you little boy Moomp!

What did you do this weekend?

I'm not going to mention that I am pregnant!

2010-05-24T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not even going to bring up that I am pregnant this time because I am fully aware that I am. I know this because MR. LIME (who is actually now a carrot) appears to enjoy using my bladder as a trampoline. I guess he is bored in there, not much to play with, but the bladder bouncing seems to entertain him. And ironically, he enjoys doing this when I am in meetings and it would be inappropriate to yell out "Fudge nuggets!" or some other odd explative.

So, I will move on to something else and not mention that I AM PREGNANT.

Moving along.

This IS a Monday and while it is not necessarily a FUN day, it is not a BAD day like some MONDAY's have been in the past. I am surviving this day. I have the strength. At least at 6:45 am I have the strength. I guess it could be zapped from me at anytime. (That's the spirit)

I have had a relatively good week. Saw JOSHUA and BREANNA last Thursday and that was nothing short of AWESOME! We drove up to get Jake and instead of leaving right away (it was late) Breanna had cooked a marvelous spaghetti dinner and salad. We HAD to stay. I didn't look at the food (but I ate it) and instead I stared at Joshua... and his chubby cheeks... which are large enough that I think we should have been formally introduced.

Funny though, after awhile, the cheeks were still there, but I didn't stare at them as much and instead found peace in Joshua's voice, words, spirit, eyes... I miss my Joshie. Sarah did too. Dad was over the moon with content to be sitting next to his son after soooo much time.

While I don't remember Tuesday, Wednesday, or even Friday that much, I think it is because Thursday was such a highlight, everything else is... forgotton.

Saturday and Sunday were good too. Busy. But good. Saturday we mowed the back lawn in prep for Alicia's birthday party next weekend. However, the rain forecast for the rest of the week squashed our plans of shishkabobs, beans, salad, watermelon, and slip'n'slides. Mongolian BBQ is now on the menu. NOT at my house, but in a restaurant. That's good though, less dishes for me.

And yes, mowing the lawn pretty much wraps up the whole day. We have a big yard. Mowing it takes a lot of energy and time... granted, admiring the mowed lawn took the REST of the day. We looked at it in amazement from the actual backyard, from the kitchen window, from the bathroom window, from the window over the washing machine. And each time, the same noise escaped our lips... "Ahhhhhh"

Sunday - session day. Met an awesome family and took pictures of them. I felt bad though, it was chilly and the boogies were in full bloom. FOR ALL OF US! I had to keep asking Kim for Kleenex to keep my own nose in check. After an hour at one location, we moved to another to set up the tent they brought. Yes, a tent. The tent was awesome.

A little funny bit... Kim and I were taking pictures of the mom and dad... being a "couple" while the kids played in their sleeping bags. We had them snuggling, nuzzling, loving, kissing each other and while Dad had a good lip lock on Mom, he also CAUGHT A FLYING TENT! I was impressed! Didn't even flinch from the kiss. I would have never even known what happened if I didn't pull my eye from the viewfinder. But I did. And there in one hand was an upside down tent, and in the other was the woman of his dreams.

He got high marks from me for being so able to multi-task.

What else?

Kim painted, Sarah practiced half of a cartwheel, we went for a walk, I proofed images, cleaned out the dishes and glasses cupboard (you know, making way for bottles and babyfood for the baby that will result from the pregnancy that I am not mentioning this time).

Pretty boring routine stuff for the rest of the weekend. And while I could use just ONE MORE DAY. It is not Monday, and I greet the day with a smile and pumped fist. Bring it on, Monday! I am ready for you!

Are you ready for your Monday?

Mondays not Fundays

2010-05-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have issues with turning off "home" when the alarm goes off on Monday morning?

Anyone? Anyone?

I have issues. I have issues that there are only 2 days out of seven that I can invest my heart, mind, and soul into the most treasured part of my life - FAMILY.

Two days.

The other five days are dedicated to some other entity.

I have been doing this turn it off turn it on thing for over 20 years, you think I would be use to it. I guess in some ways I am. But I never grew to LIKE it.

And there are even times in my life where I RESENT having to live this way.

Today is that kind of day for me.

Today I RESENT having to be at work. I don't like tending to things like incorrect calendar information, applying for awards in the name of the organization I work for, raising funds for my employer... I resent it.

Right now I want to tell the story of my own family, I want to be applying for awards in the name of my family, I want to raise funds for my Joshie.

Joshua is in the hospital... again. For the third, fourth, sixth? time in the last 3 months. There are people that go to the hospital only once in a lifetime. Joshua has exceeded that by his third day of life.

He is in the hospital again with blocked intestines. He went to ER and was admitted last week and is still there today with no end in site. Each day the news gets worse. Yesterday they put in a feeding tube. A FREAKING FEEDING TUBE!

STOP ALREADY! I am so pissy and irritated - and I am at work.

And I have to smile.

I have to do for others.

I have to put JOSHIE on hold... that is inhumane to me.

People come to my office to ask about their projects and I want to scream at them and tell them their project is THE LEAST IMPORTANT THING TO ME IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! I want them to know that they can STICK THEIR PROJECT IN THE DEEP CREVICES OF THEIR...

But I don't. I smile. I problem solve. I put "them" first, in front of my step-son.

Did anyone else just have their stomach lurch and feel the immediate need to vomit when they read that sentence?

That sensation comes over me a million times a day.

But.

I need the insurance.

I need the money.

I need the (laugh) security.

Well, the security is on a daily basis actually, because in the midst of all this I am high on the list for lay offs. Surviving only day to day. And guess what, in order to survive I have to be a SUPER PERFORMER!

Every day, every second I have to prove my value and worth to people that don't know me or care about me. I have to politely, professionally, and consistently do things that say, "I'm worth keeping" when really I want to call in sick for a year.

Can you feel for a moment how mentally tired I am?

I am tired.

Oh, but as soon as I type that the waves of guilt come flooding over me.

TIRED?! Oh, poor me, I am tired.

As I say that I immediately picture Joshua and Breanna in my head... I have NO ROOM TO BE TIRED! If anyone should or is tired, it is them.

UGH! Full circle, I should be there with them.

I should be doing their dishes, making dinner for Breanna, packing a lunch and love not for Joshua, making Breanna's bed, and just BEING THERE instead of typing an award letter for my employer.

If people actually cared for a moment to know what was happening in my life, they would nominate me for an award - an acting award - an award for smiling when the truth is I am crying a river in my mind.

But wait, I don't have a reason to cry - if anyone does - Joshua and Bree do.

I am tired.

I hate Mondays (and Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and Thursdays and even Fridays).

I miss my family.

But ignore all that. Let me just put a smile on... :)

How are you?

New News

2010-05-11T15:56:00.001-07:00

Hi. I'm pregnant.

Wait, that's OLD news... you probably want some NEW news... at least some of you do. Ok, one of you does... GINA! :)

New news:

It's a BOY! More importantly, it's a chromosonally PERFECT boy! The woman kept showing me the penis, but quite frankly I couldn't tell what she was pointing at.. but I trusted her. At least I thought I trusted her until the genetic counselor called. I asked for chromosone confirmation. I was told, "It is DEFINITELY a boy." So I went shopping. I Bought socks. I know... WOW!

I was safe from first rounds of layoffs at work, but now comes the second round. I am trusting in God that whatever happens, there is a plan, and maybe if I am real good, and don't cuss, and talk nice, and be nice, and eat right, and save electricity... God will let me in on said plan.

I crave salad. Yet, I am afraid of salad! Ever since the surgery, I get a little nervous of what I put in.. but lately, I am testing things and am getting braver with satisfying my craving for ruffage. I think it's the boy! Sarah wanted watermelon, this one wants the greens. I'll go along with it. However, if a craving for anchovies comes on... you can label me a bad mom cause I AIN'T DOING IT! Unless, of course, it is snuck into the ceasar dressing on my salad.

Sarah sounds like her Dad. She is picking up on things he says and it cracks me up because she is EXACTLY him except in a girl voice. I am secretly (although, now it isn't a secret) worried that she will become a Daddy's girl. While I want her to love on her Dad and I complain about her consistently being in my armpit or attached to my leg like velcro... I don't want it to stop. Or, at least not until she is 40. Cause at 40 that would be odd and unhealthy.

Joshua is strong. That's old and new news. He has proven his strength time and time again and is doing it today, too. He is headed for the emergency room with intense intestinal problems. We (the docs and I) think it is medicine induced. I don't actually care WHAT causes it I just want it to STOP! I want the boy (and the girl, his wife Breanna) to have at least one month of NO WORRIES! I actually want them to have more than that, but right now I will settle for one month. Please? I love you Joshua.

I cut my hair. Kim says it is the shortest he has ever seen it. I love it. Although, now there is no hiding my tattoos on my neck and back... but I kinda love that too. They are a part of me and I don't feel like hiding them. However, now that I have cut my hair this short, I realize that it is the short hair that needs to be trimmed more often than long hair. A 1/4 inch of growout can wreck the whole look. The problem is, the stylist that got it right lives in Maui. "Honey, I will be right back, I need to go to Maui for a trim" is not likely to go over well.

Moomp Photography is busy. And we aren't doing anything to make it happen! Our name is out there and we are getting calls every week for sessions. I am quite thrilled by that.

That's about it. For now. Overall, as you can read, things are going well here. We have family that we worry about constantly and pray for daily. We feel blessed that we are able to lift our heads from our life at this time to consider and give strength to others who need it most.

Sarah of course says the best prayers. It is a constant to thank God for painting beautiful skies, letting him know that we love him, and then asking him to love and care for Joshua and Tom. Those things don't change. But she does salt and pepper the consistent entree with other requests... like asking for gum if she behaves.

And Gina... you still there? I just want you to know that I love you even when I am quiet. That you are ALWAYS on my mind even if I don't call. Thank you for poking at me to blog, share, and talk. Love you!

And lastly, I'm pregnant with a boy. It bares repeating because I live my life much like the movie Groundhog Day. Every day I am shocked all over again. But, when the shock wears off, I am blessed with the reality.. and that feels good.

THE CONCLUSION

2010-04-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

NO, it did not take me this long to recover from my night out.

YES, we had an amazing time! The bands were excellent, Dave was great company, I hugged on my baby all night.

I was nervous when we were leaving the house at what would normally be my bedtime. But I was proud of myself for staying up the whole time and not yawning once! I got nervous because I did spend a good 30 minutes getting all gussied up. Even hairsprayed my hair into some 80's BIG foo foo look. Felt pretty, smelled good, and my eyes were on the smokey side. All was good.

Until we arrived at Lazanos. Remember, A BAR! I was going to a BAR and I dressed and got dolled up for a BAR.

Lazanos was not a bar.

As soon as we pulled up I wanted to trade in my heeled boots for tennis shoes and my BIG hair for a scrunchied pony. CRAP!

Lazanos was a restaurant known for their philly cheesesteak. A cafe really, a grill joint... not a BAR.

Fortunately, when we walked in I realized there was a side room that was dimly lit with a makeshift stage and 4 bar tables. That would have to do. At least the dimly lit part would hide the fact that I was completely inappropriately dressed.

Another fortunately, I was not the only one that thought Lazanos was a BAR. As the place started to fill in I could see that there were other women (and men) coming in with big hair and boots. Yes, tennis shoes too, but at least I was not the only BAR fly there.

Once Dave started playing and the different bands got into their groove, it didn't matter. NONE of that mattered. All that had my attention was the good music, the rhythm and the feel of Kim in my arms.

We were home by midnight. I was asleep by 15 after midnight.

We had a great time. Thank you Dave for a great Birthday outing for Kim (and I).

OUT AFTER 9PM!!!! Call Channel 13!

2010-04-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

I am going out tonight. With Kim. Like adult people do. We are even going to a... BAR! Where they serve drinks and you have to be over 21!!!!

Sarah will not be joining us.

Sarah will not be joining us.

Sarah will not be joining us.

Yes, it is worth repeating THREE times because it is the FIRST time we have been out without her in FOREVER! And no, work doesn't count.

Sounds bad, like we don't want to be with her. But that is far from the truth, we love being with her. But we also love being WITH EACH OTHER - ALONE!

Being at a BAR is just bonus.

Not like we drink. Neither of us do. But still, we COULD if we WANTED. And let me say, that is an awesome feeling.

Do they serve iced tea at bars? Minus the long island?

No matter, we are just glad to be out.

And there are even more bonuses! We will be out to listen to LIVE MUSIC!

Not just ANY live music, but live music that involves my brother in law!

He has been jonsin' to bang on his drum all night and tonight - that's the plan! And we will be there to hear it.

Should I take a nap?

I haven't been out of the house after 9pm before.

Maybe I should rest up! I don't want to fall asleep at a BAR!

I was thinking of letting "the girls" out tonight too! You know, wink wink, wearing something that actually shows that I have BOOBIES!

BOOBIES AND A BAR!!

I am sooooo going to be an adult tonight.

What are your Friday night plans?

Hi

2010-04-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm pregnant. It hits me now and then. In September there will be bottles and binkies in the house. Wow. Pretty crazy. I'm pregnant.

A Secret

2010-03-31T09:55:00.001-07:00

CF SUCKS!

Just saying. But that's not the secret - in fact - that is a well known fact!

What is a secret is that I have been following a blog of a gal that has CF for months now. A blog I never discuss, I never share, I just secretly read on my own. I can feel the words she writes and I cry with her, learn from her, and admire her strength as she takes the journey through her life. But I don't share any of it because I don't want it to be tooooo real for me.

But no matter how hard I try to hide from it, it is very real.

EVA is a young, beautiful, amazing, talented, educated woman that has been in my head for awhile and today she is heavy on my heart. I can't stop thinking about her and yet... she is no longer HERE. She passed away on March 27th. Saturday, while we were waiting to hear when Joshua would be wheeled into surgery, she was taking her last breath.

EVA had Cystic Fibrosis and eventually Cystic Fibrosis had her. She had a double lung transplant, but eventually her body rejected the gift and while waiting for a second transplant, she passed away. Her story is well known in the CF community and I am sharing it here because I think her story is important to be heard in EVERY community.

Please, if you have time, learn a little about her, support her in this moment by hearing her message of the importance of becoming an organ donor, and most importantly, please keep her family and friends in your prayers as they are feeling the absence of an incredible and amazing woman from their lives.

Thinking of Joshua

2010-03-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

When is it enough? When do I get to throw my arms up in the air and exclaim "I have HAD it!" When do I get to rebel against the normal routine and, instead, stay in my jammies with a box of Kleenex and cry. Cry incessently. Cry until my tearducts are empty and my soul is cleansed? When do I get to do that?

Ohhhh, wait, I think I know the answer. Not until it is ME that is in a hospital for OVER A MONTH with tubes and needles sticking in and out of me, on medications that wake me up when I am tired and make me hungry when I am too sick to eat... Ohhhh... yea, *I* am not there. Joshua is.

Joshua is still at Stanford, recouperating from his SECOND MAJOR SURGERY, the first being a DOUBLE LUNG TRANSPLANT... at Stanford... HOURS away from all of us that want to curl up next to him, hold his hand, see his smile, squeeze his hand, bring him icecream and feed him the best beef jerky around.

But instead, we sit hours away, living our lives like robots, going through the motions of pleasing our bosses and co-workers when instead we would rather be feeding the spirit of our Joshua.

UGH!

But if Joshua can do what he is doing, I certainly can continue what I must do. While the flyer for the program we are holding at work is not NUMBER ONE on my list, I still need to tend to it because it is my job. Buck up. Pull up my big girl panties and get on with it.

Current Joshua update:

His second surgery went well, until hours after when the doctors noticed there was a fluid buildup taking place in the lung that was doing FINE before surgery. The pain was excruciating for Joshua but after some adjustments of pain medications (4), including an epidural, he is bearing the pain and laying on his side to help drain the fluid. Because of the pain meds he is able to take deeper breaths, which is important to reduce the chance of him having fluid in his lungs that could cause him a pneumonia. He briefely talked to his dad lastnight and said that the medications were helping and he was able to have some relief finally. If only he could sleep too.

While Joshua's double lung transplant went REMARKABLY well, what should have been a week stay in the hospital has turned into over a month stay and a second surgery. There is still concern for the fluid buildup he is having now as well as the drainage that was taking place prior to this last surgery. By having this most recent surgery, Joshua's chances of being able to have a second double lung tranplant in the future, if needed, have been reduced significantly. We all just continue to pray that his healing will continue to be good and fast and that soon he can be home where he can be comfortable and live HIS life.

PLEASE, if you are so inclined, help us with Joshua by giving him support via a donation to the Children's Organ Transplant Association. All you have to do is click the link, follow the instructions, and be sure to mention Joshua Mompean. He could certainly use your prayers, and if you had the ability to also give monetarily... we thank you for that too.

Donate for Joshua

Monday - Funday

2010-03-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, not so fun really. After all, how much fun is it to sleep in till 9:00am for two days and then suddenly be jolted awake at 5:30am by some annoying alarm sound? Not so fun by my book. But the bright side is, the whole family had clean clothes to slip into! Clean clothes are really awesome in my book.

Let's see, what do I have for ramblings for today. Hmmm...

Friday I had a rather eventful doctor appointment. I waited for 45 minutes before I was brought back into the exam room, which actually should be called "waiting room 2" because that's where you sit - partially nude - and wait for another 15 minutes. And while I tried to occupy my time by reading the People magazine that was there, I was instead distracted by the cries of a woman in the room next door. When I say cries, I mean the wailing, swearing, "Jesus, help me", screaming. She was loud, in pain, and I kept listening for the running feet of paramedics to arrive. It was quite painful for me as well. I was wishing to be dressed and back in "waiting room 1".

Eventually the screaming turned to whimpering and never did paramedics arrive. Instead, I heard the doctor say "sorry it hurt".

This was the doctor that replaced my recentely resigned regular Dr. :( I was not happy.

He came in my room and the first thing I said was "I DO NOT WANT WHAT SHE HAD!"

He shook his head in strong agreement.

On with my appoinment. I was there to hear a heartbeat and hopefully see the little grape that has turned into a lime.

The guy got out his doppler thingie and layed me back.

"WAIT!!" I said.

See, this is the FIRST appointment Kim was not able to attend - he had been to EVERY SINGLE SARAH appointment and EVERY SINGLE NU BEBE appointment until now. He was not happy to miss hearing the heartbeat so I told him I would record it! I explained this to the doctor who rolled with it and handed me my camcorder.

I started the bad boy up and listened as the doc rolled that little pen like thing over my belly tring to find the heartbeat. Trying. Trying. Trying. Trying.

He asked me to turned the camcorder off... said to wait till he found something.

Trying. Trying. Trying. Trying.

I said, "Are you getting nervous?" and he said, "noooooo". I told him that I was!

Trying. Trying. Trying. Repositioning me. Trying. Trying. Trying.

Eventually he said, "Let's get a scan."

I panicked. I am sicker than a dog, no sign of any problems, yet all of a sudden there is no hearbeat?!

Off to the scan room, I didn't care that my pants were still hanging down around my belly. I think I actually ran a little.

With a little squirt of the jelly the magical sonogram woman immediately found the little baby. I cried.

She started pointing things out and mostly I recognized the parts she named! Head, check! Arms, check! Belly, check! Legs, check! Heart, uhhh, ok? And then the baby started dancing around, shaking like a crazy lime! I said, "guess there has to be a good heart beat to do that, right?"

The sonogram guru was very pleased with what she saw, recorded the heart rate of 163, took a gazillion pictures for me, showed me several different angles of the dancing baby, and made my day!

I forgot to record for Kim. :(

While we never HEARD the hearbeat on this trip, I felt more than compensated when I got to see the hip dance moves this little lime had down. Baby was good, mama was good.

I am pregnant.

Saturday and Sunday there were many conversations wish Joshua as he evaluated hourly as to whether he would consent to a second major surgery. He opted to wait. We opted to respect his decision. I am still scared, nervous, anxious, and consciously trying to remember that God has this under control. Gotta have Faith!

Mowed, edged, and blew the front yard.

Did laundry.

Laid in the sun on a quilt for 2 hours.

Hung easter eggs from the willow tree with Sarah and Kim.

Did dishes.

Played Slap Jack with Sarah (she kicked my butt).

Put in a little Wii Fit time.

Made cookies.

Did dishes.

Went grocery shopping.

Made a hearty breakfast for Kim and Sarah.

Did dishes.

COMPLETED TAXES!!!!

Did dishes.

Dusted, swept, vaccumed, and fluffed pillows.

The weekend was good.

How was yours?

Rambling on a Thursday.

2010-03-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

Here I am again!

I got a little behind on the blog - seems like life's river was moving too fast and I just got swept up in the current. Thankfully I didn't drown, but there was some flailing about. But I am back.

The way I post is being slightly changed - I realize I only have time to just spit out thoughts, quick, real, honest, and unkempt. Are you ready?

I have been sicker than a dog for two months. Sick with a cold, sinus infection, chest crap, and probably most annoying, nausea.

Found out in February that I am pregnant.

Thankfully only one baby.

That one baby is reeking havoc on my tummy.

Joshua has been transplanted. February 22 he received new lungs.

Joshua is still in Stanford, healing the best he can.

Yesterday we learned that Johua's "draining" is exceeding the normal level and now surgeons are talking about a second MAJOR surgery to go in and see why so much drainage, and more importantly - to stop the draining.

I am scared. But I have faith. But I am scared. But I have faith.

Because our household has been so sick literally since Joshua's surgery, we have been banned from the hospital. CAN ANYONE EVEN SLIGHTLY IMAGINE HOW IT FEELS TO BE ISOLATED FROM JOSHUA DURING THE MOST DIFFICULT SITUATION HE HAS EVER FACED IN HIS LIFE? CAN ANYONE EVEN REMOTELY UNDERSTAND HOW INCREDIBLY INSANE KIM IS WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO BE BY JOSHUA'S SIDE LIKE HE HAS DONE FOR TWENTY SIX YEARS OF HIS ENTIRE LIFE?

Our home is a little stressed right now.

I am in awe of Breanna's (Joshua's wife) courage. She has no idea what she is teaching me during this difficult time. If I could have even an iota for her patience I could become a saint.

Sarah is growing up.

Too quickly.

Both Kim and I continue to face the possibility of layoffs from our jobs (city and county employed).

There are days that we are immobilized by the thought of not being employed, and then days that we think "WHO CARES - we got bigger things to deal with than this! RE: Joshua"

If someone complains to me at work about some run of the mill flyer or ad I think I will go ballistic. When you are praying for your son to become well and to heal so that he can live a few more good years - a damn flyer is far from important. PRIORITIES PEOPLE!

It's hard to keep the personal daily happenings of my life seperate from my work responsibilities.

I have some awesome friends. Friends that really know how to love me and make me feel supported.

My mom visited. That was AWESOME! I hadn't seen her in over two years. I miss her.

Did I mention I am pregnant?

I mention that because I actually do forget - or assume it isn't real. I feel so sick that I am focused on that instead of the REASON I am sick. Oh yea, I am pregnant.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow - I think I might get to hear the heartbeat. Will that make it real enough?

Holy Crap I am pregnant!

Yes, it comes in waves like that.

Sarah is excited. That's good. I will relish that for now.

I have no baby stuff.

I wasn't gonna have another baby.

I am having another baby.

Joshua, there you are again, in my head, I can't stop thinking of you... I love you and wish I could take away all your pain and worry. But thankfully, we have a glorious God in heaven that does this...

I am in jeans and tennis shoes today... and a sweatshirt cause I am always cold, and I feel like me. I like jeans and tennies. Scratch that, I LOVE jeans and tennies.

I love Kim. I forget to tell him EVERY SINGLE DAY, in a way that he HEARS me. Of course we say it, actually we say it quite a lot. But I want him to HEAR it. I love you babe. Intensely.

Sarah, you are a GREAT LITTLE GIRL WITH INCREDIBLE TALENT AND INTELLIGENCE. I hope you hear that... You amaze me. I want you to know this more than I want you to know that you shouldn't eat with your mouth open, toot on purpose for all to hear, spin incessently in the chair, or play with mommies cell phone. What matters most is that you know that mom and dad love you and that you are INCREDIBLE. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me NOT love you. Granted, there are things you could do that would make me put you in a time out - but that is BECAUSE I love you.

Often times it is easy to let things that are a given to become taken for granted - I think it is important that while we focus a lot on raising Sarah or loving Joshua through a most difficult time, there is not a day that goes by that both Kim and I are not incredibly consumed with thinking about, praying for, loving, being concerned with and just simply missing the daily presence of Jacob and Harmony. Jacob, an incredible big brother that has surpassed what we could ever imagine him to be... and yet he thinks what he is doing is just "normal". It's not normal Jacob. What you are doing is amazing. You are showing a strength we always knew existed, but man - you are putting it on huge display - thank you for taking care of our family and of Joshua. Harmony - to you as well. You are forever daddy's little girl - FOREVER. But you are making it harder and harder for us to not strongly recognize you as an amazing and beautiful young woman. You are an inspiration. The way you love, the way you care, the way you bring harmony to all our lives. We love you beyond measure and never want you to think you are being taken for granted. And Alicia and Brian - lovies - they can't do it without you - you are a team. WE are a team. Thank you for being such integral parts in making us the Mompean clan.

Whoa. Short sentences, Heather.

I am pregnant.

I have to go now. I have to pee.

Chili's Fundraiser for Joshua!

2010-01-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

STOCKTON, CA BLOG READERS:

SHOW YOUR LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE FOR JOSHUA - and eat!

February is known as the month of love! Please show your loooooove for Joshua by participating in our first big fundraiser scheduled in February.

All you have to do is BE HUNGRY and GO OUT TO EAT at CHILIS's restaurant on Pacific Avenue. It's THAT EASY! Well, kinda! I will be posting a flyer that you will need to print and take with you. When you get to Chili's hand the flyer to the server and they will be sure that your tab counts as part of the fundraiser. 10% of the money made by all the people that bring in the flyer will be donated in Joshua's name via the fundraising organizazaion COTA. 100% of the money raised goes directly to Joshua and Breanna.

Details: Chilis's Restaurant 5756 Pacific Avenue Monday, February 1, 2010 ALL DAY LONG!

They are kind enough to not restrict us to a time frame but are opening up the WHOLE DAY - so whether you are hungry for lunch or want to make a dinner date of it - we got you covered!

But remember, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE FLYER. So, grab your spouse, your kiddos, the neighbors, co-workers, the clerk at the grocery store, and come eat at CHILI's on February 1, 2010. It has to be on that day, and you must have the flyer. Print one, or two, or ten... put them out at work, tell your yoga class, the quilting group, karate cronies, tell ANYONE!

Please. Super Please. With Sugar. This concludes the beggin.

Stay tuned for the flyer - and countless reminders of the event! Thank you so much from the entire Mompean family and all the Mompean friends - THANK YOU

Has It Been THAT Long?

2010-01-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

Hello. My name is Heather, and I am a bad blogger. A VERY bad blogger. Sorry? Sorry Sarah! After all, someday she is gonna see all this stuff and wonder, where did my mom go for over a month.

Well honey, I was doing stuff. And you were by my side the whole time, I just didn't write about any of it, although I should have been, because I think my not writing about it may have led to me getting an ulcer, but we will know more about that next Monday... moving on.

So life has been hectic. Since I was last here:

I turned 40
I turned gray-er
I colored said gray
We celebrated Christmas
Decorated the Christmas tree on December 28th (yes, I realize that is AFTER Christmas)
Had a marathon of photography sessions that officially kicked our rump
Celebrated the New Year with cheese fondue and Dick Clark... from the couch of our living room
Had reality over for dinner and cried over upcoming Joshie Journey
Painted and redesigned Sarah's room to make it Saraliscious
Visited with friends
Visited with family
Had our first boudoir session
Laughed
Cried
Yelled
Cuddled
and paid "some" bills

It has been a busy 30 days.

This life of ours continues to be nuts - completely and utterly nuts.

Right now reality is grabbing for my attention 24/7 as Joshua confronts the inevitable decision to have a double lung transplant. I think it is official, although, I didn't get a text today to confirm. But today was the day he is to meet with Stanford's transplant team to go over the details. Today is the day he becomes active on the list. Today is the day that he is officially "on call" for the new lungs that can arrive at anytime. Today is the day that we recognize (again) that life is both amazing and scary as all hell.

I thought I would come on here today to get a few things off my chest, to hopefully jumpstart the habit of blogging daily, or at least every other day again. Not only for Sarah, but for me. And for this new potential ulcer friend of mine. I think I will name her... "owieohmygoshstophurtingmealreadyican'tbreathe" or maybe Betty, not sure.

Anyway. Life is hectic. But life is good. Because... I am living it.

Please feel free to visit the "I Support Joshua Mompean" page on Facebook to learn more about that journey. And also, if you are so kind, feel free to visit this page for donating to the expenses that are being incurred as a result of said journey.

See you tomorrow? :)

Second Thought

2009-12-11T08:08:00.001-08:00

This should calm Gina!

As I said the other day, I had TWO things on my mind an on that day I opted for the "cheerier" note. But today comes the not-so-cheery post. I am hoping that if I write about it, my thoughts might shift some and I can have a better perspective... so here we go.

Christmas.

It's Christmas time. I love this time of year. I love the lights, the weather, the spirit, the purpose, the presents, the entire hoopla...

I was excited about Christmas this year even before Thanksgiving arrived! I know I know, rushing things along. But the older I get the more I realize that 30 days isn't long enough to celebrate such an important time of year.

I told Kim that I wanted Christmas up right away, even wanted some sprinklings of Christmas in the home before we hosted Thanksgiving dinner.

It didn't happen.

In fact, it still hasn't happened.

No tree, no holly, no lights, no ornaments, no nativity scenes, no glitter, no gold, no... you get the point.

Somehow between November 14th and now I have lost the spirit. Misplaced it in all the paperwork and bills of our household.

I have looked! I looked everywhere, and it seems to be completely missing.

I don't know what has happened this year, but I am having a rough go at getting joyous.

I talked to God about it. Asked his forgiveness and his guidance. Heck, I even had a conversation with Santa! But still, here is December 11 and I am not twinkling in the slightest.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

I think I know. It's been a tough year. And now, in the few days before Christmas, we continue to get a few low blows that have knocked us off the one leg we were standing on. God must have been listening (duh) because despite having no legs beneath me, I am still standing.

Part of me feels defeated and wants to just forgo Christmas at this point. No need in getting a tree, wrapping presents, baking cookies, sending cards, decorating gingerbread houses, lighting apple and cinnamon candles, hanging lights, putting up wreaths...no time.

Then.

Part of me feels like there is still hope. Who cares if it will be short lived, dive in and get with it. The investment is only time and effort. I got the goods already, I just have to dig them out and hang them up.

Same is true for my heart. I know there is hope in there too. I just have to dig it out.

I guess this is all to say that I am having a rough time.

I am not yet defeated, but a little slow moving.

So what if this isn't the year that I am ahead of the game, or even close to being IN the game... at least I had this year, right?

RIGHT!

See, it worked. I wrote about it, and now I have a bit of strength to drag myself forward.

And, I got good things to look forward to! Thankfully, I have friends that care about me and my family and over several months ago they bought tickets for a night of fun. That night of fun is due tomorrow!

Maybe when I board that train to the Polar Express I will find my joy and spirit.

And maybe I will find a tree to decorate.

And maybe I will light my cinnamon apple candle.

And maybe I will make cookies with Boo.

Yea. I think that's a good plan.

All Aboard!!!!!!

Thinking Aloud.

2009-12-07T16:20:00.000-08:00

TWO THINGS to talk about and I don't know where to start!

Scratch that, I know where to start now. I will start in the order the thoughts came to me.

First thought titled: SOOTHING

As many of you know I have lost some weight this year. In losing that weight, I have reduced not only my clothes size, but also my ring size.

I tried to remedy the situation by putting tape around the ring, winding rubberbands, tying thread, etc.. but still all the attempts would eventually fail me and my ring would occasionally fly off and land on the ground.

My heart would nearly stop each time I felt the ring gone from my finger.

I like my wedding ring. I like my husband. I want to wear the ring he gave me.

But I can't anymore. Or at least not until I can afford to resize it.

So I did the right thing for now and I put the ring away where it would be safe and not accidentally go kerplunk down a drain.

While the ring was safe, I now was being tormented each time my thumb would instinctively reach over to my ring finger to feel my ring and IT WASN'T THERE! Panic! Even though the ring was safe, I still felt the immediate panic that it fell off.. and then I would remember that it was safe, and then came the feelings of sadness. I miss my ring.

Apparantly I would feel for my ring a million times throughout the day and it never bothered me because it was always there and I would feel soothed by it being there - unconsciously.

But now, a million times a day I panic and feel unsettled.

I really really really miss my ring.

Saturday I fished around for awhile in my jewelry box for a replacement ring, but all of them were too big!!!

Until.

Until I found one ring in particular.

I held it in my fingers and felt all the grooves in it, wondering if I should even try it. After thinking about it and warming it up in my hands I decided to go for it.

I slipped it on and it fits PERFECTLY! I mean... PER.FECT.LY!

Off I went for the rest of my day, with this ring on my finger.

I will be honest and say that when my thumb instinctively feels my ring finger to be sure my ring is there, I still panic a little. The feel of the ring isn't quite the same as my own wedding ring.

But.

I am soothed in a different way that is as good.

The ring I wear today is my Grandma's' wedding ring.

Simple. Gold. Slightly adorned with entertwined circles engraved into the 1/4" thick band.

When my thumb feels it I CANNOT HELP but to think of my Grandma, and of my Grandpa, and of their love, and of their presence, and of their solitude, and of their marriage, and of their life, and of their children, and of their committment, and of their wisdom, and of their life, and of their hands...

I am soothed.

It isn't my wedding ring. But it is a wedding ring that holds memories that I hope someday my wedding ring will inspire in Sarah. Someday. When I am not here, when her Dad is not here, when she is older and wiser, and when she holds my ring, I hope she will sense how much I love her Daddy, how strong our marriage was, that while we were good people, how committed we are, how wise we are, how much we adore our children, how much we like to laugh, how much we... love.

Thank you Grandma. Who knew that the ring you would give me on the day I graduated from with my Masters over 4 years ago would regift itself even stronger this week. I was taken aback then and now, daily, hourly, and even by the minute, each time my thumb slides over the metal, I am taken back again.

Thank you. I love you.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

2009-12-02T14:41:00.000-08:00

I have no good answer. Well. I have a kinda good answer. I have been behind the lens of my awesome Canon 5D camera taking pictures of beautiful people. And it has consumed me. And all of my time. And all of my energy. But I love it.

Today I stole some time away because I thought it important to come here to tell my twelve followers (Hi Family! I love you) something that will hopefully save them from future embarassment.

Here I go. Listen wisely. And take good notes please.

Do not. I repeat. Do not go into a Safeway store in the morning, looking and feeling all fresh and pretty, to buy a few miscellaneous items for a potluck at your work that you did not prepare for in advance.

Do not be distracted by some pretty bright yellow display of Burts Bees products on an endcap.

Do not choose the all weather lip balm because you want to have good lips in the freezing cold weather found in Northern California (Yes, Lori and Mom, I know there isn't snow, but it is cold enough, I swear!)

Do not then check out your items in line and request to have the lip balm in your hand so you can apply immediately.

Do not go to the Starbucks kiosk in the store and wait in an enormously long line for coffee that is outrageously priced and laced with heroin (I am sure that it is).

Do not get bored in said line and open your Burts Bees All Weather Lip Balm and apply to your lips.

Do not only put it on partially because it is hard to apply being a brand new stick of lip balm. By partially I mean heavily applying to the center of your top and bottom lip and smackin' it around a little for good measure.

Do not do this.

I did this.

And then I waited in line. Feeling sassy, pretty, fresh, alive, awake, and confident.

I stood there. Smiling at everyone, not afraid to make eye contact.

I eventually made it to the front of the line and ordered my coffee and proceeded to the back of the next line to receive my coffee.

Eventually I did. Sipping it immediately and burning my heavily and partially coated Burts Bees All Weather Lip Balmed lips.

I walked out to the car, head held high. Still smiling at everyone fromt the bag boys to the 7-Up delivery guy.

Then I got in the car.

Then I looked in the rear view mirror to admire my moisturized and protected lips.

They were white.

Partially.

Only in the middle of my lips.

Like a geisha girl. But not.

Who knew that Burts Bees All Weather Lip Balm went on WHITE?!?! (Kymn!)

Don't make this mistake.

If I have saved one person from this embarassment, it was worth publicly sharing my stupidity.

Dear Burts Bees Product Makers,
I do love your products. Really. But WHITE!?! Why you have to go make WHITE lip balm?

Dear Starbucks Coffee Peoples,
I do love your coffee. Really. But why do you have to make them so addictive and high priced?

Happy Halloween!!!

2009-10-29T09:03:00.001-07:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Beach Travel

2009-10-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Traveling is super uper important to Kim and I. Doesn't have to be grand, doesn't have to be far, doesn't have to be to popular places... it just has to be getting out and about and seeing something other than our normal day to day world.

This weekend we were able to feed our need for travel when we headed out to Dillon Beach for a day.

I had so much fun! I can't even tell you how freeing it was to be running on the beach hand in hand with Sarah. She is becoming much more brave in the water. She was up to her arm pits and would have been excited to go more if I were willing.

AND... for anyone that has witnessed Sarah on the beach, I am pleased to announce that she marched from the car to the water without a single complaint about the sand. In fact, she kicked her flip flops off as soon as we hit sand and marched on a mission to get her feet wet.

THIS IS HUGE! This girl typically begs and cries to be carried across the grainy granuales.

Not anymore!!!!! :)

And in my OTHER hand I got to have Ethan or Emma! They too were brave as they jumped each little wave creeping farther and farther out until the water hit their hips! WATER BABIES! That's what they are! FUN I tell ya.

Oh and the Abby-do. Dainty little Abby... she built sand castles and picked up sea shells from the shore and was actually careful to NOT go into the water. But after watching the other kids she did let me hold her as "I" got my toes wet; her toes wrapped safely around my waist. :)

Dillon Beach, I love you.

Unfortunately I left the camera at home. On purpose. But the husband of my dreams did get video. I will see if we can get some of that uploaded to the computer before next Spring! :)

TWO STEPS FORWARD one (wet) step back

2009-10-16T14:58:00.000-07:00

All I can say is, we don't need a cat or dog in the house, Sarah is doing just fine peeing on the carpet all by herself.

I can't believe I just typed that.

But it's true! She has been AMAZING for YEARS actually with the potty training. This chickie was quick to go pee pee on the potty at a very young age, and then of course we celebrated that accomplishment so well that we forgot to keep moving forward and getting her potty trained for night time too.

But eventually we did. And she did GREAT!

She IS great, so that's to be expected. But greatness can only be measured if un-greatness exists. Ungreatness, when it comes to potty training, is called "accidents".

Sarah has had some accidents throughout the process, as to be expected. An occassional pee pee in the bed or right in front of the potty. No worries, that's what lysol, mops, rubber gloves, washing machines, febreeze, carpet cleaner, and pinesol are for. And let me say, for QUITE A LONG TIME we haven't had to use ANY of those products, or at least, not to clean up THOSE kind of accidents.

Until the last TWO days.

TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

Twice, she gets out of bed, has to go potty, and instead of walking the SHORT distance to the bathroom she takes the long detour out to the living room. There she stands, once in front of Daddy, and last night in front of me... and peed.

FULL. ON. PEED. on the floor.

How do I keep my cool? Well. I don't.

I kinda get mad.

Minus the kinda.

So off we went to the shower, at 12 a.m.

She crying. Me taking deep breaths.

I don't get it! I asked her why, and she says she just wanted to come see me/us. Thought she could make it but then didn't.

Well, hopefully after the SECOND time and a STRONG talk there will not be a THIRD "accident".

Chuck E. Cheese is on the line.

Don't judge.

In hindsight, after the carpet is cleaned, the lysol and febreeze is sprayed, the gloves are off, the child is washed, and the lights are back off I got to wondering, is she even AWAKE?

I don't know. All I know is, 24 hours later, I can't help but smile when I think about this little girl. Even when she pee's on my carpet, I love her. I love her through and through, inside out, upside down, and from the heart.

Anyone have a rug steam cleaner I can borrow?

Phobia

2009-10-13T10:15:00.001-07:00

I think I actually have developed a phobia of trees. Trees and wind. Trees, wind and rain. I don't like the combination. Two years ago that combination destroyed my car, the garage side of my home, and my sanity for nearly 24 hours! See here and here and here and here for more information about that mess.

Anyhoo, two years later, our first big rain and wind and I caught myself swerving to reduce the need to drive directly under any large tree branches. Passed two that had fallen and blocked the street... so I am not imagining things!

And no, I do not display my "fears" in front of Sarah, no need to get her all worried... but then I realized this morning, she seems to actually have a little concern regardless of me. This moring she didn't want to come off the porch. I think because of the rain, but usually she is running off to jump in puddles, and today, she cried. Dad had to rescue her.

Swooped her up and carried her to the car. Ok, it was partly rescue effort, part "I'm late, let's go" but it worked all the same for the Bear.

So, my goal this winter is to not feed into the phobia and to take Sarah puddle jumping.... tomorrow. I will be stronger tomorrow.

I am glad it is raining, but please, no trees fall on me, my people, or my things :) Please.

*** UPDATED 10/13/09: This year it is my darn near daughter in law and sons turn :( They too have a tree down. Thankfully they are fine, there house is fine, and no cars were injured.

Funny Friday?!

2009-10-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

Wanna hear what made me laugh out loud today? And no, it's not about Sarah this time (sorry mom), just something I observed.

I will assume you all said yes or shook your head up and down.

(You all is my sister and my mom. Anyone else out there?)

On my way to get a money order for COD delivery for some clients that will be SURPRISED with their bonus gifts, I was stopped at a red light. As I looked around and took in the scenery I saw a woman in a scooter. No biggie. But then I noticed that it wasn't just ANY scooter. This thing was suped up! It had stickers, fancy rims, flags, baskets, decorative handlebars, and a specially welded oxygen tank holder - in RED... fancy, I am telling you! I giggled.

Well, then I made my way to Safeway and headed back out to the car with my money order in hand for the CLIENTS THAT WILL RECEIVE A SPECIAL GIFT IN THEIR SOON TO BE DELIVERED ORDERS and there was that woman on the scooter. And while I thought she had a fancy rig when I first saw her, I had no idea how high tech it was too! SHE WAS TALKING ON A CB! How smart is that?! Who needs cellular service when you got a CB rigged to your scooter? That fancy high flying flag was a decorative CB antennae!

Does anyone else find this funny? SMART mind you, but funny too.

Take pride in your ride and stay connected - that's all I gots to say about that!

Sarah Says..

2009-10-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

On the way to taking Sarah to school we pass by the hospital that Sarah was born at. Where I was born. Where Kim's kids were born. Where Kim was born...

And yes, it makes me smile. I smile because I am still amazed that I have a daughter. Of course I have a daughter in Harmony, but I never thought I would birth my own. And here she is in the backseat of my car.

Today, as we pass by the hospital, there are many construction workers crawling around the place as they have built on a whole new wing to the place. And as we are waiting for the traffic light to turn green so we can continue cruising on by, Sarah says...

Sarah, "Mom, there are a lot of people working there."

Me, "Yes, there are. They are working hard to make the hospital bigger so they can help more people get well."

Sarah, "Wow, Mom, they are even climbing the windows!", she says this pointing to scaffolding.

Me, "Yeup, hard workers!"

Sarah, "Mom, do you think they get a treat when they are done working?"

Sarah, "Well, yes, I bet they do get a treat."

Sarah, "I bet they get gummie bears, Mom."

I'm thinking they get beer.

CAR!

2009-10-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

I need a car. A car that can get me from Point A to Point B without needing to be pushed anywhere in between.

A car.

I am being rather greedy as I already have one car.

But when you have one car, one husband, one four year old, two different job sites, a daycare facility, the need to go to a grocery store, the need to go to a class, or the need to go ANYWHERE one car doesn't seem to be enough.

I am excited to do more with photography and have some awesome opportunities to broaden Moomp's offering to include Birth Photography, however, that means I need a car to go to the hospital at the drop of a dime.

If I were to take the ONE car we have, that leaves my husband and four year old stranded.

Not so good.

So I am being greedy.

Just ONE MORE CAR is all I need.

Please.

Whoever is in charge of random blessings that involve car donations - I would be so very grateful if you could come by my place.

Why isn't life like that Toyota commericial (or Nissan, or Ford, or...) where a giant car falls from the sky right into your driveway?

I wish it would rain just one Toyota (or Nissan or Ford, or...) at my house.

Dreaming.

H

Sarah Says...

2009-10-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

The other night Dad, Sarah and I were goofing off in the kitchen, getting ready to make some "capsters" when Sarah just starts busting up laughing, out of the blue, loudly.

Both Dad and I look at each other and then look at her, each of us raising one eyebrow.

"What's so funny, Bub?," says Dad
"I tooted," says Sarah
We all laughed and then Kim and I straighten up pretty quick being sure to not over celebrate a toot.

Then Dad moves on to the teaching moment (AGAIN!)

"Sarah, what do you say?" says Dad
"I tooted a lot, Dad," says Sarah. "I went toot toot toot toot toot toot."
"Ok, Sarah," says Dad, "but now what do you say?"
"I say, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me." says Sarah

I love this little girl, tooters and all!

*Capsters are bottle caps filled with stuff (glitter rocks, shells, odd stuff) and filled to the brim with glue. We have been making them regularly. I need more bottlecaps. And glue.

2009-08-25T13:42:00.001-07:00

Let me just say there is something therapuetic about being stranded in a small town and sitting at a little corner cafe with..... time to relax.

Trust Me

2009-08-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

The lack of posting is not indicitive of a lack of entertainment from the Boo Bear. She is as crazy as ever and EVERY. DAY. there are a gazillion things that she does that make me think, "I gotta blog that!"

And then I don't.

Because I am a loser.

And because I am completely and utterly beside myself with hectic-ness.

Sessions (YAY!)
Mini trips to see friends (YAY!)
Baby Shower planning (YAY!)
Birthdays (YAY!)
Surprise visits from Joshie (YAY!)
Cancelling of Disneyland trip (BOO!)
Swim Lessons... tumbling class... yard work... library work... farm town (don't ask)... laundry... planning for christmas sessions... creating christmas cards for clients... fighting with Kim... making up with Kim... having coffee with Kymn... the list goes on and on!

But I digress.

I am blogging today, and that's what counts.

Today, on the way to taking Sarah to school...

Sarah: "Mom, why do you have to go to work ALL THE TIME?"
Me: "Because I need to make the money!"
S: "Why do you need money?"
Dad: "Because we have to pay our bills, buy food, go to movies."
silence....
S: "Why isn't everything just for free?"

I would even be ok if half the things we pay for were free... I'm not greedy!

This weekend Sarah, Kim and I went to see Auntie Gina and Uncle Walt, although Uncle Walt wasn't there :( While visiting over the weekend, Sarah entertained herself in a variety of ways. She chased Ginger, she watched TV, she played at the beach, she blew bubbles, she sewed a couple little bags, she colored, and she chased Ginger (incessently).

When she was coloring and drawing, with her Dad and I, she showed us what she was working on. It was a picture of Kim, Sarah, Me, and Sissy... (I will scan to show you). And it was a cute little picture that she was proud of. To encourage her to grow her skills at drawing the details I asked her if she could put eyelashes on me. She said to me, as she continued to draw on the picture...

"Yes, I can do that, but let me draw your hand first so you will be able to hold me."

Swoon.

Have I said lately, out loud, and extremely proud... how much I LOVE this little (BIG) girl?

Bad (but fun) Birthday Video

2009-08-11T12:26:00.000-07:00

A little video fun...

What's That Smell?

2009-08-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

This morning I dropped off an air freshener at a friend’s house. Not your typical air freshener. It was much larger than the little 3 inch pop open canisters or 6 inch tall aerosol sprays. It wasn’t Febreeze, Renuzit, or any other name brand you may be familiar with. This was an air freshener that stands about 3 feet tall and weighs 35 pounds. The air freshener I am referring to has blondish hair and mesmerizing brown eyes. Her name is Sarah.

She is not considered an air freshener because of her bubbly personality, although she has one. She is not considered an air freshener because of her beaming smile and dimpled chin, although she has those too. Instead, she is being referred to as an air freshener because she, all on her own, when nobody was looking, found a little innocent spray bottle of body mist. Papaya Mango scent I believe.

The spray body mist is innocent only if used in moderation. When NOT used in moderation, but instead used by a new four year old, it becomes obnoxious and just plain stinky.

According to the strength of the aroma that surrounds her, I estimate that she used half the bottle. Or maybe all of it.

If you stand in another room, in another house, the smell isn’t so bad. But if you are in the same house as Sarah, and worse yet, in the same room as Sarah, please prepare yourself for you will surely experience watery eyes and possible choking.

This morning I was late and had no time to bathe her, in ammonia, to clear the smell. So instead we dressed her in pretty clothes, told her to smile, and drove her across town to M and L’s house. A gift really. A living, breathing, beautiful, smiley, bubbly, stinky gift.

No longer is she referred to as Sarah Bear… she is now Sarah-Air Freshener. Today she comes in the scent of Papaya-Mango. Just place her in any room that needs a little air freshening up and in less than 2 minutes you will be glad you did. In 3 minutes you will be cursing my name.

Oh – and there is an added uniqueness to this Sarah-Air Freshener. While the main scent is Papaya-Mango, if you are brave enough to lean in on her, sniff a little closer, you will smell the faint smell of Right Guard. Yes folks, Right Guard. Because not only does she love my body spray, but she also loves her Daddy’s under arm deodorant. Oh, she will use my Watermelon scented Ladys Speed Stick if she must, but her favorite, by far, is the fluorescent green manly-man smell of Right Guard. And this morning she was able to coax Papa into a little dabble in each pit. Lovely.

Who needs to borrow our Sarah-Air Freshener next time?

Sarah Says...

2009-08-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

As we were riding in the car yesterday, with Sissy.

Sarah: "Sissy, why are you short?"
Missy: "Because I was made that way, and it's PETITE!"
Sarah: "You are petite. Brittany (swim instructor) is petite-ed to. She can't reach the bottom of the swimming pool because she is petite-ed."

This morning, getting dressed I put on jeans that had coins in the pocket which fell to the floor when I picked them up.

Sarah: "Oh look, I found money!"
Me: "Honey, you didn't find money, that money is mine that fell out of my pocket."
Sarah: "And then I found it on the floor so I will have to take it now and put it in my piggy bank."
Sarah: "Look mom, I found A LOT of money." As she showed me the 5 quarters I was going to use to buy a coffee.

Sarah Says...

2009-08-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

This little girl asked her dad to put her cereal bowl in the dishwasher.

DISHWASHER!

I can't quit laughing!

We have no stinking dishwasher, I AM A DISHWASHER! My little girl is growing up believing that a SINK is a DISHWASHER! Can you imagine how surprised she will be someday to learn that there is technology that does this for us?

Buwahhahaahaahaa!

DIVING!

2009-07-30T10:30:00.001-07:00

Sarah Bear can DIVE! That’s right, D.I.V.E. Into water. She gets in her streamline position, head tucked between ears, and in she goes, like a bullet! Ok. Not like a bullet. That was a slight exaggeration. More than slight. But still, she dives!

We are so proud of her. She has done exceptionally well with her lessons, lessons Kim insisted on. Our goal was to get her so that if she fell into water she could kick herself to the edge and get safe. In addition to that she is learning to do her digs, zippers, and now DIVING is added to the list.

I thought Sarah was going to be a dancer, a ballerina, or a gymnast, but now I am beginning to wonder if she will be a swim girl? I don’t care what she does because EVERYTHING she does is amazing and it is fun to watch her develop many interests.

She does still do a little tumbling. I am not sure if that is something she will stick with, but it is at least building up her body strength and working on her confidence. Where once she wouldn’t even walk AROUND a balance beam, she now scoots herself along it one fit at a time, sideways. She also hangs from the bars, upside down, hooking her toes for the complete vertical hang. I know she does this just to get me worked up and nervous. I have to really work at not screaming, “Get down from there, it’s too dangerous, quit hanging like that and testing gravity!” It really does make me nervous.

Swimming lessons make me nervous too. I always worry that she won’t get enough air before she is pushed to the bottom of the pool to retrieve the pink squid or green baton. Her digs sometimes look like she is trying to save herself from drowning! Yea, I get so nervous I quit going to the lessons. Dad, the calm, cool and collected parent, takes her. I stay home and fret for 30 minutes, but not in sight of my daughter. I don’t want her to think that there is anything to be nervous about.

About the diving. I am aware of her success because THANKFULLY Kim knows how much I love Sarah and need to be a part of things, I get cell phone pictures. Then I get teary eyed. Next thing you know she will be signing up for Drivers Ed!

Morning Adventures

2009-07-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

This morning it was a little difficult to get ready for work. Not because I didn’t go to bed till after midnight, not because I was up at 3 a.m. with Sarah keeping her company while she went potty, not because at 4 a.m. Sarah climbed into bed with me and tucked herself into my armpit, not because I was late getting up and only had 15 minutes to look presentable to the world. None of that was the reason, although I am sure they are contributors to some degree. But what really hindered my ability to move as quickly as I needed was Sarah following me around EVERYWHERE I went with a little pink bow… trying desperately to affix it to my rump.

Truth be told, I wish I could stay home with her all day and I would proudly wear the bow in exchange!

Being a mom is adventurous, that’s for sure. I love you Boo. And remember what mommie said this morning, you can call me Super Mom anytime you want.

And no. There are no pictures of me with the bow!

Done!

2009-07-27T22:57:00.000-07:00

This is now a site dedicated to Boo Bear and the Boo Bear's family. I would love, however, if you also wanted to check out what goes on with Moomp Photography! I made links... you can see them right over there on the right sidebar. BIG ONES. You can check out the website or the blog - whichever suits your fancy!

Also, Moomp Photography can now be found on facebook! Would love it if you wanted to become a fan! In fact - if we can get to 100 fans we would be able to have an actual site! Come find and fan us! :)

For Grandma Joanie (and everyone)

2009-07-27T22:33:00.001-07:00

Birthday Present from Grandma Joanie from Heather Mompean on Vimeo.

TIME GOES FAST

2009-07-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

So - what's been happening? Well, aside from being kidnapped by Aliens, I have been cleaning up after a wedding, preparing for a birthday, proofing client images, communicating with future clients, keeping my head above water at work, and ignoring the fact that laundry has grown to over 3ft tall. I LOVE MY LIFE!

For instance, I took Thursday and Friday off - completely and totally OFF. I enjoyed two full weekday days with Sarah and did stuff that lucky stay at home moms do. I did some of the routine house things like took out trash and dishes, but I also took Sarah to parks, the zoo, a museum, swim lessons, and a nail salon. Together we got our nails painted and let me just say, it was a much different experience with her being 4 years old versus 4 months old.

Yes, I was one of THOSE moms that drug her little bitty baby to a nail salon. I was desperate. I needed to feel girly. I was sleep deprived and feeling all sloppy. Off we went. I was determined that I would NOT stop normal life once I had a baby, and for me it was normal to get nails done now and then. Sarah taught me a lesson that day. No matter what *I* want, it will always come secondary to what *she* wants.

I was ready, I had toys, bottles, blankies.. I would have anything she could possibly want - except for the ability to hold her. She did great the first 15 minutes. Coo'd, watched, looked at the flourescent lights. But then, once she realized that my nails were caked with chemicals and I was unable to scratch my own nose let alone hold a 4 month old baby - she became IRATE. She cried, kicked, screamed, hollered. There was no binky or bottle that would even slightly calm her down.

3 years and 8 months ago there was not a chance of having my nails done with Sarah as my date.

But now, it's all different. On Friday we sat together, had conversation about the many different colors that we could choose from for our nail polish, we made friends with other salon goers, and we smiled and laughed with each other as we got all girly. I am now sporting a great mauve color and Sarah opted for the bright neon shiny pink. We look gorgeous. But more importantly, we had fun together. Sarah got to the nail dryer before me and even made friends with another gal that had a pedicure. Sarah was sure to tell her how "adorable" her nails were.

No, it will not be a normal routine to get our nails done - NEITHER of us could afford it, but for a girls day out, in the middle of the week, it was well worth the time and money.

I am in awe of what life is like right now. I am loving up Sarah, and all her four year old spirit. But I have to say I am also realizing that there is no going back. I told Kim we HAVE to record her voice more often. Before long we won't hear her little high girl voice - it will change into a normal toned, I am a big girl voice. And I will cry.

I already cry because never again will she wear a 2 or 3T. She is growing up faster than I could imagine.

Funny how I created a babybook thinking it would be hers, but now I realize that it was just as a gift for me as it was to her. We look at it together and I say "hard to believe you were so small" and she says '"yeup, I am a big girl."

Funny saying on this week - two days after her actual birthday on Tuesday. She went to swim lessons and told her teacher, whom knew she just had a birthday, and said, "Guess what Brittany, I woke up this morning and I am STILL four years old!"

LOL... and if I blink she will be 16... pass the toothpicks.

Aliens! That's what happened!

2009-07-26T22:59:00.000-07:00

I was abducted by Aliens and they wouldn't let me blog! Really! They were green, tall, had one eye each, eight arms that grew out of their head, and rode around on unicycles.

What?

You don't believe me? You are smart people.

I actually have just been... BUSY! So busy that I don't know what day it is and I have no clean clothes. Except what I am wearing of course.

But it has been a good busy! We have been celebrating friendships, birthdays, weddings, business, and all the little things in between! I meant to blog. Everyday I had things I wanted to share so it would not be forgotten in all the hurriedness. But then I would have to take the trash out and wrap presents.

Sorry.

But I am back now. And the good news is I have also decided to REALLY separate out this blog from Moomp Photography so I could get back to documenting Sarah - which was the whole point of this blog back in... 2007? A long time ago.

Soon I will link to the Moomp Blog once I get it all filled up wth some juicy sneak peeks from recent sessions... but in the meantime, The Sarah Bear Blog will be, again, all about Sarah and my family - the most important thing to me in the entire world.

Stay tuned - I got things to say! I would say them right now but the Aliens are back and asking if they can take me to coffee.

I Blinked.

2009-07-17T10:21:00.001-07:00

I blinked... in an instant she went from being swaddled in a blankie in my arms to running around the house telling people to focus and asking them to tell her why something is "relevant".

I embrace her soon to be FOUR year old self, but I miss tremendously the 3, 2, 1, and 0 month old. Tremendously.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who reminded me that often times we remember the first of things. The first time our kids smile, talk, walk, sing, dance, write.... but what we don't necessaryily see coming is the "last" of things... the last time they walk through the grocery store holding your hand, the last time they want to snuggle in your bed, the last time they want a kiss goodbye, the last time...

I know I am not there yet. But let me say, my eyes are wide open. I know it is coming and for that reason I have to soak her up as much as I can, breathe all of her in. Let her little girlness fill me up.

Watching Harmony get married only proves to me more that things will change... that she is going to grow up and the moment we are in now must be celebrated to the fullest.

Even the moments that I chase her into her room to bring her BACK to the kitchen so she can TRY new food despite her whining and crying. I will cherish that too.

All this to say... Sarah is having a birthday... four years old in just four days.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Don't blink.

FINALLY!

2009-07-15T23:09:00.000-07:00

I knew I would take pictures of the wedding. I had specific images I wanted to capture, specific smiles, eyes, rings, hands, people, details... I was going to document the entire day, the moments, the memory forever... for Harmony and for us.

Then came 4:00pm.

4:00pm was only one hour from 5pm when the guests would arrive. 5pm was only 45 minutes from the time of the ceremony.

Suddenly our house was consumed by a rush of last minute to-do's, the crunch time, the time when reality knocks on the door only as a fake courtesy. Whether I greet Reality or not, it was coming in my house and in my life full force and brought with it Emotion, Nervousness, and Anxiety. I was no longer able to focus on my "plans" but was instead tending to the needs of Reality and the Gang... showing them where the chips were and offering them a tea.

By the time the ceremony started I realized that I was not the photographer. I was the mom. The Bonus mom to my Bonus daughter. I was too swept up in what was actually happening that I could not look through a lens of a camera. I was too scared to blink, let alone think about the perfect settings to capture the perfect images. Instead I had to watch what was happening, eyes wide open, heart bursting.

THANKFULLY Auntie Kymn was there - with her trusty camera. I asked her to please, if she would not mind, try to get some pictures for me. As always, she saved me. She was there for me as usual, my soul sister.

I watched the ceremony real time. I watched Kim, I watched Brian, I watched Josh, and I watched Harmony while holding Sarah.

I don't know how Kim survived the day. OF COURSE we are happy for Brian and Harmony, OF COURSE it was a joyous occassion... but it was also a little sad. It represented so many things to us. I squeezed Sarah tighter and leaned into Kim as we listened to the vows.

Joshua officiated the wedding. Jacob signed as a witness. Sarah gave Harmony Brian's ring at just the right moment. This was a family affair. We do EVERTHING as a family. Kim and I INSIST on it. We NEED it.

Anyhoo.... I could type forever.. and it would just make me cry all over again. I wanted to post pictures, that was part of my plan prior to 4pm on July 4th. But I have been holding off... and I think I know why. This is a big deal to me. And I partly want to keep it all inside of me... soak it up. Reminds me of when I was pregnant with Sarah. I was soooooo excited to have her in my arms, to HAVE her... but then a part of me wanted her to stay in me so I could keep her all to myself. So I could feel her and soak her up.... I want to soak Harmony up.

But now it is time to share with the world...

Without further ado... I present to you Mrs. Anderson...

BEFORE!!!

2009-07-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

By popular demand (or by a single request) here are a few before pictures. Curlers and pajamas! :)

Boys Boys Boys

2009-07-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Sons... I know that I love mine more than could ever be imagined. BOTH of them... they are my bonus sons. I have never birthed my own, but I don't need to when I have been blessed with such awesome bonus boys thanks to Kim.

Where was I?

Oh yes, this beautiful woman seen here... kissing her youngest son... she actually has THREE boys! The first two are twins and will clearly be HEARTBREAKERS making girls in a 50 mile radius giddy and weak in the knees... and then this little love in the picture. So sweet. Can you feel your heart melting - or your body ovulating?

Black and White

2009-07-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

For some reason I loved all of their photos in black and white - they are so striking - so incredibly and beautifully striking. Am I the only one that can imagine this portrait HUGE on a living room wall? Gallery wrapped. Thick frame. A minimum size of 16x20!

Who Would Believe

2009-07-07T12:46:00.000-07:00

That this couple, this young, cute, sexy hot couple would have THREE kids!? Yes, I am telling the truth - and their kids are super duper adorable! But for now - here's a sneak peek of the parents.

7:45am

2009-07-04T07:45:00.001-07:00

TEN hours to the wedding. TEN. I am staying focused on getting all the little chores done for the day instead of acknowledging that last night was the LAST night that Missy will be staying at our house, that there will be three instead of four toothbrushes in the bathroom, that there will be three instead of four towels in the bathroom, that her machine will no longer be in front of the window next to the couch for doing her airway clearance vest, that nobody in the house will be able to make rice, that we have no reason to buy two gallons of whole milke EVERY week, that I will sit alone on my bed watching "So You Think You Can Dance", that I want listen to TWO silly girls giggling around the house... I am not thinking of any of that this morning. I couldn't bare the thought. It would possibly make me cry, and my nose run.

Tissue please.

TEN HOURS.

Rosemary and Ramon

2009-07-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hello Rosemary and Ramon!!! This picture, as soon as I saw it, before I finished looking at the others, was my favorite. It truly is a moment captured - I don't even need to see Rosemary's face to know she is weak in the knees as Ramon gives her what I believe is his classic mischevious grin... I love playful images.

Mom and Dad's Turn!

2009-07-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

You know that beautiful woman in the previous post... well here are here parents - and let me just say they are just as cute as Jess and Santiago! Thank you Mom and Dad for letting us goof around with you for a half hour - we enjoyed taking your pictures and hope you enjoy the product!

Here is our favorite:

Weekend Warriors

2009-06-28T14:04:00.001-07:00

That's what Kim and I are calling ourselves. We have been very busy - and before I go into detail - let me just share out the most fun part of our weekend.

We had the pleasure of photographing Mr. and Mrs. S. this weekend AND 28 other people! This beautiful girl called us up to be a part of an all day photo extravaganza (in 105 degree weather) in which we clicked our cameras all day long focusing on some real beautiful families. More sneak peeks to come thoughout the next couple weeks, but I wanted to give our hostess a quick view of my FAVORITE image EVER! Can you say HOT! And would you believe the mother of TWO kids?! This woman is as sweet as she is beautiful and Kim and I both want her and her husband (whom was very handsome) to know we had a great time!

After photographing 8 families we were off to a BBQ at Dianah's house to welcome back her husband Scott from Iraq. It was great to see him - although we barely recognized his little self - he apparantly left 55 pounds in Bahgdad! Scott - you look maahvelous! Thank you for having us all at your house - we are glad to have you here - even if only for two weeks!

Now it's Sunday and the crazy busy continues as we do a little housecleaning - the last weekend before Missy's (un)wedding. We say un wedding because she is dead set on having a "WEDDING" next year, but her and Brian want to be legally married before he goes into the service and - so they can live together :)

Yea - we are busy! But it's fun! Keeps our mind off the fact that we aren't going to make it to my sister and brother in law's 25th wedding anniversary shindig in July and our soon to be canceled trip to Disneyland! Ugh! Don't get me goin' or I'll start crying like a baby!

How was your weekend?

{Trying to} BREATHE

2009-06-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

Anyone counting with me? 10 days. 10. TEN DAYS. A wedding in TEN days.

I need prozac. And a rum and coke.

CHICKENS!

2009-06-24T14:13:00.001-07:00

Except for "The Dude" - nobody's joining in my reindeer games!!?? What UP? I know we got writers out there. GINA! KYMN! TOM! to name a few :)

Second attempt:

She was prepared and on-time, looking impeccable in her new designer suit. She was confidant in the material she would present to this influential group of mucky-mucks. They would all be amazed by her. She proudly walked down the aisle and to the podium… a long ribbon of toilet paper waving from her left shoe.

YOUR TURN! Come on - just do it :)

Wha? 55 Fiction?

2009-06-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

Recently I came across a style of writing called 55 fiction or micro fiction. While this method of writing has been around for decades, it is new to me and I thought I would give it a whirl.

What is 55 fiction? Well, let me just tell ya:

Criteria for 55 Fiction

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:

1. Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule)
2. A setting,
3. One or more characters,
4. Some conflict, and
5. A resolution. (Not limited to moral of the story)

Many new versions of the 55 Fiction have started to modify on the rules by either ignoring the rule to include conflict, or basing it on a true incident and dramatizing it.

Elements of 55 Fiction

As the limit on words is strictly put, the words of a good 55 Fiction have to be chosen very carefully. The following constitute the main elements of a 55 Fiction:

Drama: Most 55 Fiction works are dramatized so as to get the effect in limited time.

Suspense: This is regarded as an essential element of 55 Fiction work. Never until the last sentence, does the actual theme of the story emerge.

Shock: Most 55 Fiction works incorporate what is known as a Last Sentence Shock. This is usually done carefully by adding double meaning or confusing words throughout the story so as to misguide the reader into thinking about a different theme for the story. This results in a shock for the reader who comes to know about the story's actual theme in the last sentence itself. Mostly, it translates to the reader having to read the story again to convince himself/herself that the plot is consistent.

So here is my first attempt – not near as inspiring as I have seen others be, but hey, maybe I will get better if I keep trying?

Slipping in quietly, clutching her keys to quiet the clanging, she promptly sits at her desk as though she had been there for hours. Stealing time from a boss, gifting herself much needed stillness. In mere seconds her quieted mind becomes cluttered with anxiety and deadlines. From the outside nobody notices she is painfully drowning.

And what about you?! Give it a try with me! 55 words – one story – let your creative side play a little. Share in a comment what you come up with – inspire me!!!

Happy Father's Day Kim

2009-06-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Father’s Day Kim!

You should be so proud of yourself – really – so proud. I am overcome with emotion when I think about how much you have done, the success you have had, and the positive impact you have made on and in your children – despite not having the guidance and example from your own father whom was taken from this world WAY TO SOON.

I didn’t say any of this to you yesterday… I got sucked up in daily routine and habits – but I want you to know that you – what and who you are – does not go unnoticed and should be celebrated more than ONCE a year.

I also want you to quit shaking your head and dismissing what you are reading. I know you. You are already thinking of the million things you coulda shoulda done better – but babe, please please please take notice for a moment of just how incredibly well you have done… and it ain’t over!

You have raised two sons that are good people. THEY ARE GREAT PEOPLE! Between the two of them you have by far fathered the smartest, most insightful, most caring, most wise men on this planet – second only to you.

You have raised a little girl into a beautiful woman that we both pray daily for Sarah to take after. If Sarah were to be as loving, caring, forgiving, and sensible as Harmony is – we would be far more blessed than imaginable.

While Jake, Josh, and Harmony are who they are because of their own hard work, values, morals, dedication and successes, they are also who they are because of who you raised them to be. You breed greatness.

I hear you again – still arguing with me. Dismissing what I am saying. While you are right in that you didn’t do it alone – you had help from your mom and from friends - it is still you that stood as their primary example. It is you that taught them to be who they are – no matter what, even when nobody is looking. It is you that taught them to say what they mean and mean what they say, it is you that taught them the value of education in any and every form, it is you that taught them to be accepting and forgiving of people – but not to their own demise, it is you that models to them to be patient, do the right thing, even if it would be easier not to. It is you babe that lives in them and contributes to everything you love about them.

So listen to me Kim when I say I am so incredibly grateful for you. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my friend, my counselor, my gardener, my band aid when I have an owie, and my sugar daddy - and you are an amazing father to your children. I am so blessed to have met you and that I get to be married to you forever and a day. Happy Father’s Day.

Through Another Person's Eyes

2009-06-16T21:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what others might see if they came into your home and were free to explore?

What exactly would capture their eye and their heart?

Well, a couple of weeks ago several Mompeans got together and visited at a friend of ours. While most of us sat at the kitchen table (the place my grandma says people gather to solve the problems of the world) Harmony took-over our camera and disappeared. About 45 minutes later she was back and quietly set the camera down where she had found it.

Later, I was clickin' through the images on the memory card trying to remember if I had downloaded this particular card or not and I started seeing pictures that I didn't recognize. It was my camera, but not my pictures. Then I remembered Harmony's disappearance and I smiled.

(I love it when Harmony carries around our BIG camera - she is such a photographer and it looks so good in her hands)

I downloaded the images and what I saw before my eyes was an absolute treasure.

This is for a friend of ours - I hope that she will see the gift in these images. I hope it brings a smile to her face like it did mine.

There will be NOTHING in the images she hasn't seen before - infact, she probably sees these things hundreds of times a day, but somehow I think it is different when you see YOUR things through SOMEONE ELSE'S eyes.

It's About Time!

2009-06-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

This weekend Kim and I realized that we are bad parents. We realized this for the 8th million time. Not super bad mind you. Just bad. Sometimes.

I am embarrassed to admit this - but here goes.

Sarah still wears pampers.

Don't hate me. Don't curse me.

She ~~wears~~ wore them at night. Only at night.

Kim and I were talking about it and realized that she is LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG overdue (like by a couple years) of being trained out of this, but he and I were lazy.

This week we made a committment to each other to NOT be lazy and I am proud to say that Sarah has been doing great!

The first night she stayed dry with only two trips in the night to the bathroom escorted by me.

The second night... well... not so dry. Tears were shed, assurance was given.. and Kim and I stayed on track with our mission.

The third night, last night, DRY!

How we do it?

For Christmas I bought Sarah an Arial bed set - Arial being her FAVORITE princess in the whole wide world! The bed set stayed in a bag - waiting for when she was potty trained.

See. This is evidence that I am not so bright.

I realized that Arial would not be for AFTER she was trained, but would be the incentive TO train.

Last night Sarah, Sissy, and I made a huge girlie big deal about putting the bedding on her little mattress - perfectly situated just so. Stuffed animals arranged nicely, arial pillow fluffed, and a teal blanket for accent.

Sarah did an excellent job not peeing on Arial. She ran to the bathroom at 1am and 5am at break-neck speed and while half asleep, all for the sake of keeping Arial perfectly safe, sound and dry on her bed.

The Arial bed was probably enough incentive to stay dry at night, but I like to complicate my life so I also asked Sarah what she would like to do today if she were to stay dry all night (last night). Per her request - we are going to Safeway. Yes. Safeway.

Not Chuck E. Cheese, Applebee’s, the park, or to feed ducks - all of which she loves - instead, she chose Safeway. I even confirmed with her, several times. "You want to go to the grocery store?"

So tonight, we are going to Safeway - in celebration of another night dry!

I am two years behind, I know, but I am so proud - of Sarah - and even a little bit of Kim and I.

The only thing is this - I am scared that once this summer is over, we will no longer have our little girl. She will instead be grown up into the most amazing young lady. Be still my heart.

Funny Sarah Statement for this week:

"Mom, I wish the world was more pink."

Something BIG!

2009-06-14T22:19:00.001-07:00

As you all know - I ::heart:: photography and all things associated... from taking pictures to displaying pictures! I love it all! I want to share with others the awesomness of taking pictures, sharing pictures, displaying pictures, and rejoicing in all the little moments of life that seem to rush by us while we are doing dishes and paying bills.

For that reason Moomp Photography decided it was time to invest in some sample products to help encourage clients to LOVE their pictures untraditionally.

So many times I get asked, can you print 4x6 images? YES! YES we can print 4x6 images - but let me ask you WHY WOULD WE? Prints at the 4x6 size are small enough to be tossed in a drawer or shoved in dusty old shoe box with all the other 4x6's of life. So then people say, you're right! We'll get 5x7's. WHAT?!?! 5x7's? For WHAT? So they can maaaaybe make their way into a frame that will sit on a little shelf full of other random knick-knacks - blending into the scene making a subtle, if any, statement?

NO WAY! I say. Let yourself fall head over heels in love with an image and make a statement with it! GO BIG! Take one of your favorite images and invest in it! Get a large print and frame it even bigger - or better yet, get a gallery wrapped canvas that will whistle atchya every time you see it! Get a square frame that will treat your eyes to something a little different than the traditional rectangular images, get a slim canvas and display it loud and proud in a fancy easel stand like the artwork that it is! LOVE YOUR IMAGES IN A BIG WAY!

As I said, to encourage that, Moomp bought a few samples (with more on the horizon) to show clients that these BIG prints really are awesome and worth the investment. I can describe a canvas in a million words but it won't be the same as allowing a client to look, touch, feel, and be present with the real thing. Don't be afraid of BIG PRINTS! Come on, touch it, you know you will want it!

I need a bigger house to accomodate my love for the BIG PRINTS in my life. Or better yet, let me come to you, take your picture, and decorate YOUR house with big prints :) Come on - give me just ONE wall!

You have no idea how excited I was as I was taking this picture!!!

Elmo might have been close as excited as I was - look how big his eyes are!

Ka-Pow! It was as awesome as I thought it would be! Yea, these are my samples and yea, they are pictures of Sarah. I couldn't help myself! I do have more samples coming soon and they will feature clients.

Pretty cool huh, slim wraps, nice and slim. I like the thick gallery wraps too, but these are good to have in an easel on a credenza or sofa table.

This is a 16x20 - which qualifies as BIG, but it is a small big :) This is also a slim wrapped canvas but I had mounting blocks attached so when you do hang it on the wall (which it comes ready to do) it will standout from the wall by about an inch. Creates an awesome 3-D effect that makes the image really hoot and holler atchya when you enter a room.

I like my prints to hoot and holler.

Come on - join in the fun! Book a session with me (or your local favorite photorapher) and get some BIG prints fer yerself! I dare ya!

Dear Gina

2009-06-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

Let me just say, if you don’t have a Gina in your life, you are sorely missing out! I have a Gina, have had for over twelve years and can’t imagine a life without her! This woman and I, in our decade together, have gone through thick and thin - and then some.

Just a few snippets of our life together:

* I once ditched a really important job interview that paid well and instead drove to Gina’s house to have coffee.
* One of us changed underwear in the back of a van so we would be more comfortable –I won’t tell you which of us, but it wasn’t me.
* We went to Manhattan on a girls trip, ate pizza, saw a Broadway show, and one of us kept getting hit on by random men – I won’t tell you which of us, but it wasn’t me.
* Gina spooned me when we had to share a bed while on our trip to Manhattan.
* She would have sweet and sour soup delivered to my apartment when I was sick and couldn’t get out of bed.
* Once when Harmony decided to get married in less than 30 days, in my backyard, that had weeds taller than Kim, Gina (and Walt) sent a crew of men to SAVE THE DAY – but really it saved my spirit.

Pretty much, whenever I NEED anything, Gina is there for me. She is there to talk to me, yell at me, set me straight, show me empathy, give me joy, and just simply loves me.

Basically, she is my rock.

Recently Kim, Sarah, and I were blessed to spend the weekend with Gina and Walt – both of them extremely awesome people.. and we had an AWESOME time. It was just what our hearts needed – a break – a getaway – a place to feel free from the chaos that was at home waiting for us.

I seem to always fall short paying this woman back for all that she does for me – I am forever in debt – but the one thing I can do is to give her pictures – these are for Gina – just a few pictures to share with her – one of which I printed and framed for her and Walt.

Love you guys – BOTH of you – from BOTH of us – we need more time together – let’s plan a trip for 2010 – tell me where and I will book!

Enjoy!

Let me just say - this woman cooks and she cooks GOOOOOOD! While we were there, Kim and I ate like a queen and king! But the best meal of all - and mom, you should hear this, WAS ASPARAGUS! I don't do asparagus unless it is heavily coated in batter, fried in oil, and served while dining at Peking! But while there, she made us some asparagus, mushrooms and tomatoes lightly oiled and seasoned to perfection - still the perfect amount of crispy when served - WAS GREAT! So much so that I tied to duplicate the dish within 2 days of being home. Let me just say that Cambria asparagus is SOOOOO much better than from here!

This lovely vase of beautiful long stemmed roses is what greeted us when we walked through the doors at the inn. They were beautiful and very symbolic of how rosey our entire stay would be. Oh - and these flowers, you will find more fresh ones just as beautiful in each of the rooms - waiting to tickle your fancy when you check in.

This is a view of the bar - Gina has to tell you about the bar. Apparantly someone carried it on their back when they walked to Cambria from half way across the world, with no shoes, in the snow - or something like that. Ask her. All I know is that the bar is gorgeous and when Gina and Walt are behind it to serve you some wine and appetizers in the evening, you suddenly don't care about your dinner reservations.

This is Ginger (and Sarah). Thank you Ginger for babysitting Sarah all weekend. You are such a good dog. I personally don't know how you did it all - you let her tug, pull, push, and prod at you all weekend and you just loved her through it. Maybe it was because she convinced Walt to let her feed you awesome doggie treats every 15 minutes. Whatever it was, thank you for not biting her face off. She still speaks fondly of you to this day, and tells everyone how you chased the hot dog. Thank you.

This is Sarah in the lobby of the inn - the place where the light will make any photographer SQUEAL with delight! Oh, and if anyone wants to know how to get a child to make this face - tell them to NOT SMILE and see how long THAT lasts.... click!

And lastly - this is Gina and Walt - MY Gina and Walt. They are amazing! (Shuddup, yes you are) Part of me wants to introduce them to everone I meet so they can experience awesome friendship, but the bigger part of me says - NOPE! They are MINE ALL MINE - unless of course you book a room at the Pickford House - then you would meet them, and your life would never be the same, you would have an awesome time and be treated like kings and queens.

Love you guys! And as always - THANK YOU!

Self Perception - I Need to See Better

2009-06-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

Most of you know I went to rather drastic (or gastric) measures at the beginning of the year in an effort to become healthy. I had the gastric bypass surgery on New Years Eve at about noon. That's right, I had a surgeon do a hack job on my tummy so that I could gain the help I needed to lose weight and get healthy. I know there are people out there that think this is the easy way out - and yes, in some ways it is! Who would have thought after struggling, ohhhh, MY ENTIRE LIFE, that anything would help me lose weight! The surgery has!

It is also NOT the easy way out as I am changing habits, ways, cravings, and my body's chemical make-up - that's MAJOR and that is NOT easy. But, it is all worth it because for once I am able to eat better and change my health so that I can be here for my daughter in her future, unless I get hit by a bus of course.

But I don't want to get into all that now, I already worked that stuff out for myself BEFORE I had the surgery, and you can read about it here. What I want to talk about today is the ongoing self awareness and realization that takes place on a daily basis.

As I said, I had the surgery New Years Eve and this month puts me at the 6 month mark - essentially half way through the most intense year of my life. By now I am supposed to have lost 100 pounds. That's what the doctor's office tells me. I would have thought it doable on January 1st, but as the days and months go one I can see that MY BODY doesn't want to lose weight that fast - dang it and yea all at once.

Instead, as of today, I am down 70 pounds. I feel like I failed.

This is what I want to talk about today.

I SHOULD NOT FEEL LIKE I FAILED!!! I "know" this, but yet I struggle with the feelings anyway. After all, when I go to the doctors office I get scolded, "You should be further by now...".

My mom calls and checks on me and can't stand it when I fret about things - as does Kim - and reminds me of my success. SEVENTY POUNDS! I lost TWO SARAHS! Sheesh! That's a lot!

My mom also has been getting on me to take a few pictures of myself so she could see what seventy pounds gone looks like. I put it off. And then I put it off some more. But when she called lastnight I realized that I can't put it off anymore... she gave me the gentle and stern mom voice.

Tonight I had Kim take some pictures of me. I wasn't happy about it. I hate being in front of the camera. At least when I am behind it I think it hides me. Yes, I realize that is ridiculous.

Outside he took me for a few quick shots. And just as I suspected, I hated them. I looked at the few he took and I was done! DONE! Seventy pounds gone and I am still round as ever. Grrr.

I came inside and got them off the memory card so I could get them off to my mom quickly. QUICKLY! I didn't want to see them any more than I needed to.

But, through the process of resizing them, renaming them, and staring at them I realized that I am ok looking. I got goals still to reach for myself, but I am ok. Yes, my face is round, probably always will be to some degree. Yes, my arms are big, I am not one to have skinny arms at any weight, and that's ok too. And besides - ALL of this NEGATIVENESS is focused on my LOOKS and that is not the priority here. My health was the issue.

Healthwise, I am doing great! I sleep good, move good, feel good, and all my tests are great! That is what matters to me! My heart is working better because it isn't compensating for the 70 pounds I lost. THESE ARE GREAT THINGS!

One final thing I did as I readied these two pics for my mom, I found an older pic fro last year about this time. A rare picture of me. And I took a picture from now and put them side to side. NOW I see the 70 pounds gone. And when my doctor tells me I should be farther along, I will tell her to BITE ME because I don't care - I will say to her - I am healthy! And I am getting healthier everyday - at the rate my body needs to go. SO BITE ME!

Hey mom, thank you for being proud of me. And, finally, here are the pictures as promised.

look over on the right - there I am twice - before and now.

I DID lose weight.

Happy Birthday Alicia

2009-05-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

Kim and I are truly blessed! Aside from having amazing kids - from the tallest to the shortest! They are all smart, beautiful, witty, honest, caring, people of integrity... the list goes on and on. But what gets even cooler, is all of them have found equally awesome people to be their partners in awesomeness.

You all know Harmony has Brian - and if you don't - you can learn about that here. And there is the Breanna to the Josh - I need to post about her - I think she should have the nickname SuperWoman! She is both, super and cute and we love her dearly. And Jacob has Alicia - and because he has her - WE have her and we couldn't be more glad!

This last weekend we celebrated Alicia's birthday. Alicia's grandma (puh-lease! this woman does not look like a GRANDMA! I stared at her the whole time thinking to myself, we're you 5 years old when you gave birth - cause it doesn't add up! You will see for yourselves in the pictures to follow) invited us to her house to join in the family celebration and we gladly walked away from our YARD WORK DAY to do something less physical and more fun!

Here's the day in pictures:

Cindy had these candles that darn near LIT THEMSELVES! You light one and they are linked to light all the others! Way cool!

Alicia may have been contemplating what she would wish for since Jake already got one of the things she really wanted - A CAMERA!

Not sure what happened here - I just loved the smile on Alicia's face.
We love when Alicia smiles - her smiles are contagious.

You should have seen the look on Sarah's face when Alicia took a taste of the frosting! PURE JEALOUSY!
See this gorgeous woman on the left, her name is Cindy - she's Alicia's GRANDMA! I know, right! Can't be - but it is! The handsome gentleman in the middle is Alicia's great grandpa. And of course - the hottie on the right is Alicia.

Isn't she pretty! I kept taking pictures of her cause she just radiated!
She also had beautiful highlights in her hair that caught the sun magnificently.
Ah - the laugh smile - love it!

I think Sarah was going in for some money that was tucked in the card. You got to watch her - she likes da money!

This is Alicia with her great grandparents.

The whole family! Alicia with her mom, grandma, grandpa, great grandpa.... big family! All of them a pleasure to spend the afternoon with. The gentleman next to Harmony is Julian, Alicia's grandpa - he is super cool too. NICE. These are genuinely nice people. Nice people that really know how to barbecue tri-tip. And make awesome fruit salad.

Who doesn't love a little love from Grandma - see Sarah - she knows that Grandma kisses are the best! She also was a little jealous I think because she was pretty smitten with Cindy.

Gorgeous - she looks like a movie star.

Doesn't she?

Hair glistening in the sun, smile that lights a room.
And then I get this.

Happy Birthday Alicia!

We love you.

YEAH! and DANG IT! all at once

2009-05-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

In just four days the works of Moomp Photography will be featured on the front of a predominant magazine in San Joaquin County! Kim and I are thrilled! And to sweeten the pot, the image chosen from over 15 entries was our very own Sarah Bear (you have no idea how hard that was to type for all to see). As photographers we are excited to have our work so heavily viewed by our community, and as parents we are ecstatic and proud to see our daughter’s smiling face looking back at us when we go to our dentist office, coffee shop, gym, and grocery store. Damn she’s cute!

I have to give one of my infamous disclaimers though. When Moomp Photography was contacted and asked to submit some of our work back in April, I immediately contacted clients and passed on the excitement. Every single one of them was happy to have photos of their children submitted – and submit I did! The criteria was fairly specific, they wanted a child age 1-4, summery, vertical shot, lots of headroom, eye contact… CHECK! I scoured my client files and found many that would work. I submitted them all with file names that only depicted Moomp and a numbering sequence. And yes, I included an image of Sarah. I had to. The mother in me said, “Hey! She fits the criteria and it was from one our sessions! Do It!” So Do It I did. Quite frankly I wasn’t sure how they were going to pick – all the images were adorable! Once I submitted I waited.. and the anticipation grew! I was already envisioning being able to share out with a client that their child would be FAMOUS (locally)!

Then the call came. Keep in mind, I don’t know the magazine people, and they don’t know me, they just received innocuously named photos of beautiful, smiley, bright, squeezalicious kids.

“Hello Heather, we are happy to call you and let you know we will be going with one of your images for the cover of our new magazine that will debut on June 1st. The image we prefer to use is of the little girl in pigtails and red bows. Please call us back to give more details of the girls name and loc…” I didn’t hear any real words after that. It started to sound like Charlie Brown’s mom on the phone. “whaaa, wha-wha-whaaaaa, whaaaa.” I knew in an instant what photo it was. The Bear! Bubby! Boo! They chose her!

I think I gasped and clutched my heart! It was as if I had won some golden statue of a naked man.

As quickly as my heart leapt out of my chest and soared into the air, it plummeted to the ground and laid at my feet.

I was happy for sure, but I REALLY REALLY was excited to notify a client – I already practiced what I would say in my phone call.

“It is Kim and I’s pleasure as photographers of Moomp Photography to call to tell you that little Miss/Mr would be on the cover of a magazine that will hit stands in June. We would like your permission to print his/her first name and to also ask you how many copies you would like us to secure for you.”

So, I am sorry that I didn’t get to make that call, the business owner in me is a little bummed. But let me just say, the MOM in me could not be more proud. Of course I am glad that Moomp is featured – what business owner wouldn’t want that kind of publicity? But overshadowing that is the proud mom feeling that my daughter will be smiling at all the residents of San Joaquin County. She is there, capturing their hearts in all her cuteness. I am beaming. I want 800 copies please.

I found the online website that shows the magazine – cover and all. I refuse to close the browser window and have sneaked peeks about a million times in three days. I just looked again and, yeup! There she is! Pigtails and red bows and the most beautiful brown eyes you ever did see. Who loves you baby.

Wanna see a sneak peek?

Ok, I'm through bragging. But let me just say, I am NOT through trying to get my clients published! I am determined to make that rehearsed call someday - I ~~want to~~ will share this feeling of pride.

Engagments and Weddings

2009-05-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

Soooooo… she’s engaged. Harmony. Engaged. Sounds weird. Just a month ago she was 12 years old playing dress-up in her bedroom, prancing around in a white wedding dress that her dad got from Goodwill for “fun”. Now she is 23 years old and wearing a real diamond engagement ring on her left hand. It is mind boggling to me and to my heart.

Last week she called on her way home from taking Brian (formerly known as “the boy”) to work and asked if I wanted to go to the store with her, she had to pick up something from the hobby store to finish up her school project. Sure! So she came home to get me and before we left shared out with her Dad and I that Brian and her were talking more about their wedding.

Harmony: “You know Brian and I were looking at getting married on July 7, because the number 7 is our lucky number.”

Dad and I in unison: “Uh huh.” We already knew they wanted this date, Brian told us on one of our secret meetings sessions before Harmony was proposed to. They wanted a big wedding on July 7, 2010.

Harmony: “Well, we were thinking of July 4th instead because that’s a weekend and we think it would be cool to have fireworks on our anniversaries.”

Dad and I in unison, again, “Ok. Whatever you guys want to do.”

Harmony, skipping through the house getting her purse and keys: “I am so glad you guys are ok with this.” And yes, she really skipped, she’s been skipping and hopping around a lot lately.

I got up from the couch, kissed Kim and went with Harmony to the store.

After shopping for about an hour, of which at least 30 minutes of that time was spent with Harmony answering calls from Brian, Harmony and I were on our way home and this was our conversation:

Me: “Oh, don’t forget, May 30 is yard clean-up day.”

We have quite a mess in the backyard that is in desperate need of straightening. The construction on the house got us out of whack with yard work and maintenance. With summer coming we want to have the yard clean and ready for BBQ’s and get togethers.

Harmony: “Oh yea, thanks for reminding me. And don’t you guys have some photo sessions coming up?”

Me: “Yea, we have several in June and July, July 5th, remember?”

Silence.

Me: “Remember, I told you that July 5th we had a session, and I asked if that was ok with you before I booked it and you said you didn’t have anything going on.”

Silence.

Me: “Harmony, remember, you said, ‘I have no plans’.”

Harmony: “Weeeelllll…. I have plans NOW.”

Then it hit me. It was clear as day but I still asked the question.

Me: “Harmony, did you mean July 4th, THIS YEAR?”

Harmony: “Yea.”

I could hear the implied “duuuhhh” in the tone.

Silence.

I was taking it all in. Processing. Trying to curb the panic. Of course she meant THIS YEAR! Who was I kidding! They were 23 years old and engaged! Why wouldn’t they want to hurry it up and get married – they wanted to live together, start a life together, become their own couple officially. We knew this. But I was in denial.

Harmony: “Are you mad?”

Me: “No not mad just thinking.”

And so it begins. The next level of panic. She has no idea that I am working hard on adapting to the first reality that she is GROWN UP and then, Bang! Bam! Boom! she is engaged, getting married, and moving out all in less than two months. I am not sure my heart can take it. No time to ponder that though.

We are planning a wedding. It should be filmed as a comedy show so we could make a little side cash. How to pull off a wedding in 30 days – GO!

Did I mention our backyard has weeds taller than Kim?! That’s where they are getting married. I can do this, right?!

At any given moment I am not sure whether to laugh or to cry. Part of me is excited beyond belief. We are, the family, all of us, are so proud of Harmony. She has grown up so well, into a very beautiful, intelligent, determined, controlled, responsible, loving, kind, generous, forgiving, flexible, creative, wise young woman. She has found a good boy that is becoming a fine young man before our eyes that loves her tremendously, treats her well, and is someone that Dad and I want to call our son. And all of this is good. But Harmony is also my best friend, my confidant, she is my first daughter and my best friend and I wouldn’t want it any other way. She is so many things to each of us Kim, Sarah and I. And while we encourage her to begin the next stage of her life, we know it is right where she needs to be, I break when I think of her NOT being home with us. Break. In two.

Grrr… but it’s gonna be ok, because now, knowing that Harmony wants to get married in 39 days, I have a distraction. So much to do, starting with the wildlife reserve in our backyard that we have to tame and turn green. Tables and chairs to rent, gazebos to borrow, meat to order, and tissue to buy.

Hey, does anyone have pop up gazebo thingies we can use?

So there you have it, July 4th, 2009. Harmony Marie Mompean will be married. Did you hear my heart break a little more when you read that?

Stay tuned. This is gonna be a real rollercoaster!

Oh, guess who’s going to marry her, perform the ceremony… Leave your guesses in the comments as to who you think it might be. This is gonna be fun!

I gotta go now, need to call the party rental store.

The BIG Weekend Revealed

2009-05-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

It’s Done! It’s Official! Kim and I have a daughter engaged to be married . It’s amazing, scary, exciting, sad, momentous, and… awesome!

And let me just say, it has been quite a test to not be able to blog about it this WHOLE time as you all know, this is my place for therapy!

How it all came to be…

Five years ago when Harmony was in high school, she met this boy…

Fast Forward.

A month and a half ago I got a text from Brian (Brian is the fiancée – the one that is soon to be ~~stealing~~ marrying our daughter) asking me to set-up a date with he and Kim. WHAT?!?! “Uh, yea, I can do that, I am the family planner, but WHAT are you meeting about?” I had to know!

I knew. I knew exactly what he was calling about without even asking, the asking was just a formality.

He confirmed.

I took a deep breath.

Harmony is 23 years old. She is plenty old enough to be married and quite honestly, she is mature enough as well, but regardless of her age, she is still her Dad’s (and my) babygirl and even if she was 63 I would have cringed at the news.

After that phone call, everything started happening fast. Brian talked to Kim, they talked about how the future would look, what Kim’s concerns were, and Brian talked of his love for Harmony.

Then Brian met with me, the boys, and Harmony’s mom – everyone was in on it – all except Harmony.

We already had a beach trip scheduled to celebrate Harmony’s birthday, and EVERYONE was going to be there. Harmony had no idea that we all temporarily forgot her birthday as a new purpose for the trip was revealed.

The Proposal.

Brian shared with us that he really wanted us all involved, so he thought it would be cool if we went to the beach and then all built a sandcastle together – all of our hands building the pedestal for where he would put the ring. Yea, that’s cool, but also, it would be all of us involved personally in the support of their future. It’s what Mompean’s do. We are there for each other.

Rooms were booked, maps were shared, and the weekend was set. I was personally having major emotions all week leading to Friday. I could not escape the reality that every moment prior to Saturday afternoon was never going to be the same. That as soon as she was engaged, a new life would exist for all of us. That brought me both immense happiness and sadness too. I was letting go of a little girl (yes, I am fully aware that most people would not consider a 23 year old a little girl, but she is OUR little girl) and would be introduced to a very bright, intelligent, witty, harmonious young woman. I know they have always been one in the same… but somehow this weekend put the little girl further back in the time and the young lady catapulted to the present, right smack before my eyes.

I couldn’t help but to listen, watch, soak up everything about Harmony the whole week prior and all day Saturday as she enjoyed her birthday beach day… knowing that she was soon going to be an engaged and then married woman. Can’t explain, but it is breathtaking – even now.

ANYHOO! You all don’t care so much about the story as you do the pictures - so let’s get on with it!

You got the jist of it all – we are at the beach, playing, building castles; all of us very aware that when Brian gave the high sign, I would have Dad deliver the ring box.

BREATHE.

So here it is – the proposal in slideshow form:

And here are a few of my favorites - specifically called out:

This is a picture I took that made me want to cry - it is Missy - just being Missy. She is enjoying her day, smiles and happiness all about her, completely content with what the day is as it is... yet when I looked at her I knew that soon everything was changing. Her life would change, my life would change, Sarah's life would change. It wasn't a bad feeling for sure, there were good things coming for everyone - but it was also a little sad for me.

I am already missing Harmony, even though she is still in my home - I am missing her. When I look at this picture I see everything that I will miss. All that peace, happiness, friendship... ugh! But despite all of what I will miss, my heart is overflowing with the joy that will come from the new phase of life we will all begin. I am truly happy for her and Brian.. and have already clearly expressed that I will need them to come for dinner now and then :)

The next few pictures make me laugh - I was watching Brian prepare - getting ready to seize the moment. He had a couple of false starts because our family is obsessed with picture taking. A couple of times he started to go for it, but then someone would call a group shot again, and there he would wait, hands behind his back clutching the little black velvet box. Harmony was oblivious to all the excitement that was welling up in Brian as he stood behind her.

The look of - I AM SO READY!!!

And then he went for it!

These series of pictures of the actual proposal were priceless - but this one is another of my favorites. If you knew Harmony you would know that she is not a crier. She doesn't let it go much, and in fact, rarely! Doesn't matter if she is happy or sad, she is pretty contained most of the time, but this moment wouldn't allow it. And when Harmony cries - I cry.

This picture makes me proud to have Brian as a son in law. It isn't because he wears insanely wild hawaiian print shirts (just like my husband) but the smile on his face that pushes his cheeks up, the smile that says loudly and proudly just how much he loves Harmony. Something about this picture calms me. I know they will have their ups and downs - we all do - but this picture reminds me that his heart is good and that he truly loves Missy. He makes her feel safe - and that makes me feel safe too.

This is where Sarah was told what was happening - that her Sissy was getting married to Brian. This DID NOT make Sarah happy. Sarah, for months now, has been talking to all of us about marriage, asking questions, wanting to know if she could marry Daddy and I. We explained that we were already married, but that she would find someone that will make her happy and safe someday, and if she wants, she could get married too. Once Dad and I were 'off the market', Sarah has been firmly set on marrying Sissy. We tried to explain that her Sissy was "not available" for many reasons too... but on this day, despite being told, she caught on quick how final and real it all was. That marrying Sissy was REALLY out of the question and that Brian would be the lucky one.

It was a double blow for Sarah too, because I think she would have been just as happy marrying Brian... and now - neither of them were available.

And this is the ring - THE RING! Brian picked it out all by himself as a complete surprise to Harmony - he did good! It is really shiny and looks fantastic on Missy's finger.

As I said, the weekend was amazing! I am excited for these two, and have already booked them for an engagement photo session - although, something tells me THESE pictures will always be the ones that mean the most to them (and to me).

Congratulations Harmony and Brian :) Dad and I love you both.

BIG Weekend Ahead

2009-05-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

Much is happening here at the Moomp Household! We got plans – BIG plans – plans that are consuming my every thought and motion!

We are headed out of town on a big hoo-ha-ha weekend with all the fam’ to celebrate. Ya see, we got ANOTHER child that has become one year older as of this last Wednesday. Harmony, also known as Missy, Sissy, Lovie, and Bubby, has turned the big TWO.THREE. That’s right, TWENTY THREE years old! For crying out loud! I have known her now for half of her life!!!! Which leaves me – ~~OLD~~ blessed!

Anyway, what she wanted for her birthday, other than a new jeep, camera, house, Nintendo DSi, and money was a trip to the beach. We couldn’t afford a jeep, camera, house, Nintendo DSi and we have no money, but what we do have is a timeshare that is CLOSE to the beach – so we booked it. She invited everyone and we accommodated!

So today, EVERYONE is headed out to Windsor to spend some time together at the nearby Dillon Beach and then a little pool time on Sunday – all in the name of HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARMONY and RELAXATION! It will be fun. Although I am scared to blink because I think it will go that fast!

This time I think we are well prepared too. Kim and I are already packed, Boo is packed, the car has gas, Kim has gas (oh, oops, ignore that), and all we have to do is throw it in the back! I also, for the first time ever, pre-ordered groceries for our unit. So when we get there we will have food waiting for us – now if only it came with a personal chef to cook it all! I think that is only available at the high end timeshare companies.

We also packed our camera. Duh. And let me just tell you – there WILL be pictures to share. This is a big trip. BIG I say. Mark my words. BIG. Super BIG. And I am hoping that I can find the time between our NEXT weekend getaway to post pictures to show you just how BIG this trip is.

BIG.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in with ya’all (which is basically four of you) to let you know that I am not blogging in the next couple days with a VALID reason, as opposed to not blogging the last couple of days in which I had NO REASON.

While I am away, I encourage all of you to have a most excellent weekend as well! Enjoy softball games, sewing, quilting, and general relaxation away from the shop – you know who you all are!

Now I am off – to a meeting – without focus. While coworkers talk statistics, purpose, goals, and objectives, I will be thinking BEACH, BEACH, BEACH, and POOL.

Peace.

PINK TOES = HAPPINESS

2009-05-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

I am a happy happy happy girl – all because my toes are pretty. It is a small thing in the BIG picture, but it is BIG to me today. There is something to be said for an occasional – and I do mean OCCASIONAL (we’re in a personal recession) treat to something that makes me feel all girlie and pampered. Today, I got toes that make me smile.

Harmony and I teamed up for an excursion and together we treated ourselves to a delayed Mother’s Day gift and an early Harmony’s 23rd Birthday gift. We relaxed in chairs that consumed us, played with remote control buttons that dictated just exactly how the chair would massage us, and had our feet soaked, rubbed, buffed, and painted – with bonus flowers on the big toes. It was perfect – although, the paraffin wax was a little too warm for either of our liking and the sea salt felt like sandpaper, but I got soft legs and my heels are soft so it all worked out.

Harmony had the extra bonus of having her eyebrows waxed into perfect little shapes above her beautiful eyes. Glorious. It was a glorious outing that made us both skip as we made our way back to the car. Well, when I skip, I mean figuratively. I actually walked slowly holding my pants legs up so they wouldn’t muck up my freshly painted pink tootsies.

The only downside to the event – we both missed Sarah. She wasn’t able to make this trip, partly because I didn’t have the money for her little feet and also the timing just wasn’t working out – but I can guarantee you next time I will rob my piggy (ha – pun intended) bank and take her out of school early if I have to. She is no longer the baby that stays home – she is one of the girls and both Missy and I missed her tremendously.

While it won’t be the same, I have already committed myself to pampering her like nuts tonight… she will get a clean bath and then mom will give the little girl her first full on pedicure. While I don’t have a massage chair with a remote control, I do have a television with a remote and I will bet you if I put in Leap Frog’s Word Factory video – she will never miss the head and neck massage.

What did YOU do for Mother’s Day?

Happy Mothers Day Mom!

2009-05-10T23:24:00.001-07:00

There is no way to express how much my mom means to me – but she would NEVER know this because I don’t even try. Please, please tell me I am not the ONLY loser that did not call her mom on Sunday, May 10, 2009.

Mom – I am so sorry I didn’t call you. Not for one minute is it because you weren’t on my mind.

I awoke this morning at 6:30 a.m. realizing I could probably get one more half hour of shut eye before I would have to wrestle myself out of bed, which is only training to build the strength needed to wrestle Boo out of bed. We had to be up and in the shower by 7 in order to be ready for our early morning traditional breakfast with Joyce, Kim’s mom.

I didn’t make my schedule. Kim did wake me at 7 – with kisses and lovies and everything – but I stayed still just long enough for him to swoop into the bathroom as the first shower-er of the day. Drats and Yay all at once.

I could have gotten up – thought about getting up and calling my mom at that moment. FIRST THING IN THE MORNING – that would have been smart! But I didn’t. I slept for 10 more minutes before I lifted Sarah to her feet.

Time Check: 8:30 a.m.

The family got ready and we were out the door within an hour in a half to go meet Joyce and Dave (Kim’s brother) at the 78th Annual Strawberry Breakfast at the local University.

The next two hours were celebration for Joyce and I with eggs, strawberries, biscuits, and fresh jam – that is maybe as good as Joyce’s, but definitely not better. I don’t know this year because I didn’t try – but my past experience with the jam made me salivate as I watched everyone else laid it on thick to the fresh baked biscuits.

I got through that by watching Sarah go nuts with our camera. I think she took approximately 88 pictures of the grass below her feet.

Time Check: 11:00 a.m.

I could call my mom now, but I don’t want her to feel like I am rushing a conversation because I am running out the door, I want to TALK with her, not just quick comment. I will call soon though.

Next up for the day – get in the car, head home, make a quick clothes change to head out to leg 2 of our Mother’s Day extravaganza. I chose to go out to Micke Grove and visit the amusement park. WHAT A GREAT CHOICE IT WAS! There was not a single line and most rides we had to ourselves the entire day. The weather was beautiful, Sarah was a doll, and Kim didn’t complain once about our meandering for hours!

After that we decided to get lunch.

Time Check: 3:30 p.m.

I could have called my mom here too. But I thought, I don’t want to compete with the loudness of all the guests at the small enclosed restaurant. I will call soon though.

Now we all had full bellies, warm faces from the sun, and exhausted legs from all the walking (meandering) of the day. All the way home we all kept commenting how tired we were and how it was definitely nap time (except for Sarah who was ready to go swimming).

We got home and within 15 minutes Harmony was asleep in her room, Kim was napping in our room, I fell asleep on the couch, and Sarah ruled the DVD player and watched every movie that she could reach off the shelf.

I later awoke to Sarah wanting to have a tea party.

Time Check: 5:00 p.m.

I should call my mom! But the light will soon go away and the mosquitos out to play, so if there is a tea party to have, now would be a good time. Besides, it was hot in the house and I knew there was a breeze outside with lots of shade from the willow tree.

Sarah and I got all the tea party pieces together and off we went to the front yard. Tea cups, baby dolls, stuffed doggies, pink dress, pretend tea, and blankets for mom to sit on – we were good to go!

Soon Dad and Missy joined us and there we delighted in Sarah’s silliness for over an hour. Till the mosquitoes got hungry.

Everything, everyone back in the house.

Time Check: 6:30 p.m.

I should call my mom! I need to get a load of laundry in as Monday morning is closing in on us, so I will do that, and then I will call my mom!

I need to wrap up a client order for a Monday delivery as well, let me just do that and then I will call my mom!

Oh yea, the slideshow, I will build that for the client, and then I will call my mom to tell her how much I love her and how much I have been thinking of her.

Time Check: 11:15 p.m.

I didn’t call my mom. Mom – I am so sorry. It is silly how I work sometimes. I didn’t want to just quickly call you – so then I didn’t call at all. The truth is, I should have called you as soon as I awoke. As soon as I was about to begin my day, the day I am celebrated for being a mom. I should have called you because you made it possible for me to even be here on this day.

In fact, you are a piece of everything I do today, and everyday! You have taught me so much, been there for me ANYtime I needed you, and you have been my role model for who I want to be in this world. I should have called you before I did anything with my day.

But please know – you were and are in my heart everyday. I love you with all my heart – and I will call you! Before I start my day tomorrow – I will call you – so you can hear me say it live – I love you for all that you are, all that you teach, all that you have done.

Happy Mothers Day Mom!!!

2009 Senior Slideshow - Moomp Photography - Stockton, CA Photographer

2009-05-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

Boobs.

2009-05-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

Boobs.

Sorry Sarah, I know this was supposed to be your blog, and now here I am talking about all things except you. And all things include: Boobs.

I have been sitting on this topic for awhile. Wondering and debating whether I should discuss it on the blog. But then I thought, it’s my blog, I can do what I want! And quite frankly, I want to log this moment in life. Ironically, this post comes just after I was praised by my brother in law for being fairly wholesome in my blog’s content.

Sorry Tom.

Still love me?

Tom?

You there?

Anyhoo, back to boobs. My boobs specifically. For YEARS I have had them, but for the last nearly ten years a passerby probably didn’t know I had TWO! They probably thought I just had one boob mass because there was no separation. Basically I had a huge speed bump across my chest.

I have been terribly jealous when I would see other women’s boobs (yes, I have looked) that are are so nicely shaped, lifted, separated, and defined. About five years ago I went on a quest to find the perfect bra that would have that effect on my boob – my uni boob. But no luck. Some bras would get closer than others at making lovely boobies on my chest, but all of them, by the end of the day, would get pushed to their limits and fail me. I was right back where I started with the one boob mound.

Well, today I am here to say, I have boobs again. TWO! I have two boobs, perfectly lifted, divided, separated, and defined (at least with a bra on). While the bra is definitely what helps this to happen, I realize now that I just had too much boob before, and now, with the weight loss, things are much better. I know it may seem simple to you, silly rather, but for me, this is huge! Kim never really understood or felt the same about my boob complaint, infact, I am sure he is still spinning on the statement “I had too much boob”, but for me, it is was a slow drain on my self esteem.

NOW – I am feeling pretty good. In fact, I don’t look at other people’s boobs anymore cause I like my own! I have even been caught feeling myself up!

Sorry Sarah, I just keep pushing the topic, don’t I. Mommy loves you and will return the blog back to you soon.

I guess I should get back to wholesome subject matter now, I just wanted to get this topic off my chest (no pun intended). Next thing to look forward to – collar bones. You know, the sexy neck bones that women have? I want some of those! I have NEVER had them! But I think I am getting close. While I know the outside of me is not the most important stuff – I know it’s my insides that ultimately make me who I am. But when the two are in sync – WOW, that’s where I start feeling awesome. And right about now, I am starting to feel pretty in sync. And pretty in pink too.

Ok Sarah, you can open your eyes now.

2009-05-01T08:58:00.001-07:00

Waiting for my latte at starbucks so my day can begin!

Happy Wednesday!

2009-04-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 33 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on thetreadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile madeit all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on thecounter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn'ttry to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help meget in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny chic to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that dumb girl Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbellsor anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung meoff and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it havebeen someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that isfun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

It's a Good Day!

2009-04-28T14:28:00.001-07:00

I feel like my teeth are gonna fall right out of my head! As of today, 10:30am-ish, I no longer have metal brackets, braces, wires, glue and rubber bands putting my teeth in a big ol’ time out! They are free – free at last. To fall over, twist, turn, and go back to the mess they were just THREE short YEARS ago.

Well, that is, if they get movin’ in the next 36 hours, because tomorrow I go back to get my retainer. It’s going to be glittery pink and have an image of a butterfly on it. I am a girlie girl, what can I say?

Yes, a retainer. I have not had a retainer since I was 8? Mom, was I 8 years old when I threw that expensive retainer you got me into the cafeteria garbage – along with the green beans that I NEVER ate? I can’t remember.

Anyway, it has been a long time. I am soooooo looking forward to it! I want to have more metal wrapped around my teeth with the added bonus of acrylic stuck to the roof of my mouth so I sound like Daffy Duck. I think I will carry wipes to give to people so they can clean themselves up after they converse with me. F.U.N. in the ‘hood I tell ya!

Oh, and my teeth – yea, they are yellow. They probably aren’t too bad if you compare them to the color of teeth in the 70’s and 80’s. But now since ZOOM and Crest White Strips were invented you don’t see anyone with teeth like mine. In this time and age if teeth aren’t as white (and glowing) as a 500 watt light bulb – they are disgustingly yellow and should be replaced immediately with veneers. But, since I am not going to become a news anchor or an actress anytime soon, I will probably just brush and floss a little more to see if I can bring the color up.

Despite this post, which sounds very cynical, I am in a good mood and happy. I love my teeth and more importantly, I love my BITE. While there is a cosmetic upside to this whole adventure, ultimately I did the braces to get my bite on track. Up until 3 years ago my teeth alignment was so bad that I was cracking my teeth and creating hairline fractures that would then make my pearly yellows especially susceptible to cavities. Cavities that within 30 minutes of forming could only be cured by having painful root canals. Root canals hurt. Bad.

All this to say.. I got my braces off today, I am happy. And… it all happened on a very special day. Kim and I are celebrating our 11.4 anniversary. Eleven years we have been together, four of which we have been married. Tomorrow we celebrate 11.3 (we got married twice! 04/28/05 and 04/29/06) I love you babe – wanna lick my teeth?

The Grass is Green - and TALL!

2009-04-26T23:07:00.001-07:00

Ever since the construction on our home started (6 months ago) we have completely disregarded the backyard, which wasn't that bad during the winter because plants don't grow much in the cold. However, now that Spring has sprung the grass, trees, roses, and weeds are growing at a rapid rate! Much more rapid than Kim and I can mow.

Well, not that we tried.

But if we did try... the grass would win.

And probably gloat too.

But before we put gas in our mower, Kim and I took Sarah out there to get some pictures. We didn't need to drive out into the country for the tall grass look - we just walked outside - and waa-laa.

I will be a little sad to see it trimmed down. But then again it will be neat to find the picnic table, barbecue, and Sarah's outside toys. I know they are in the grass somewhere.

But for now - I got pictures.

And here is one Kim took of the Bear and Me - in the wild - wearing bows.

Random Fun on a Sunday

2009-04-26T13:07:00.001-07:00

Just a couple of videos of the Sarah Bear. This Sunday, to encourage Dad and I to get in the cleaning and get the laundry done mode, Sarah put on some music. It's the house rules - music when cleaning - I don't move well with out it. As I was hauling clean underwear from the dryer and dirty shirts to the washer I see that Sarah was inspired by the music too. Not to clean, but to dance. The girl doesn't yet have rhythm - but boy does she have soul!

Later, after the cleaning (dancing) was done the 'fam' agreed to play a bowling game with Sarah before her nap. Bowling is her new favorite "treat". And let me just say - this girl gives us ALL a run for our money. Yesterday Harmony and I ran some errands and in the two hours we were gone, Dad gave Sarah some bowling tips - and now she's on fire! ALL BY HERSELF! If she isn't picking up spares - she's getting strikes. Check it out for yourself! :)

Happy Sunday!

My therapists name is Mr. T. Vision

2009-04-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

I know that watching TV can be considered a waste of time, mind numbing, deterrent from real life and many other negative things – but when it comes to Grey’s Anatomy, I disagree.

Thursday nights at 9:00pm Pacific Time I become very still. Curled up with my legs under my butt, tucked into the corner of the couch or up under Kim’s armpit, wherever I am – I am still – and engrossed.

I know it is a “show”. I know it is “directed”. But I don’t’ care. Because even though Izzy, Meredith, Mc Steamy, McDreamy and the Chief are actors, they are telling the story of someone out there that is real.

Lastnight I cried, laughed, ached and loved while watching the show. I had emotion after emotion. Meredith tried on wedding gowns for crying out loud!!! But she, this woman of darkness, did it because she wanted to make her friend feel better. I get that. And that was just one of thousands of moments in an one hour episode of “television” that allowed me to feel.

At each commercial break, when I would wipe away a tear of understanding, sadness, happiness, or whatever, I would counsel myself and ask – why are you soooo into this? Is this healthy? And then I answered back – YES! It is for me.

In MY real life I have many things that consume my time. I have chores, expectations, reality, disappointments, joys, moments of truth, moments of ugliness – I have life. But sometimes I don’t have time to ‘feel’ my life, I just have to perform it (I know, sad, but we all do it!). However, somehow, for one hour I can live the lives of those on Grey’s Anatomy and allow myself to feel for “them”. I am actually feeling for me, because I RELATE to “them”. But somehow there is a protective layer.

Lastnight’s episode was about dealing with CRAP that just is. Like it or not. And it was super crappy stuff. A little 6 year old dies on the show lastnight because cancer got the best of her. The dad didn’t know how to get through it, he wanted to save a child that could not be saved. He wanted to rescue his daughter – DUH! I cried a lot on that one. It is real. Right now, there are people that are having that same struggle. WE are having that same struggle. Maybe we aren’t at the same intersection as others, but we are on that road. AND IT IS PAINFUL. UNBEARABLE. UNSPEAKABLE. I don’t want to feel it. But lastnight, watching someone else, I allowed myself to hurt. And that is healthy.

TV can be therapeutic. Last night I had one free hour of counseling with several therapists that allowed me to let go of feelings that get all tangled up inside me and cause havoc. TV was a release.

I am not the only one. I watch Kim wipe his tears too. We don’t say anything to one another, we just lean in a little closer or hold hands a little tighter. We are just “watching TV” after all.

Thank you Grey’s Anatomy. Bill me later. See you next week.

If you want to see my therapy session click here

Knock Knock...

2009-04-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

Who's there you ask?! Oh - I will tell you who is there - a lovely thing called OPPORTUNITY! That's right - Kim and I have OPPORTUNITY knocking on our door and we are both - elated. Elated for me means squealing ever few minutes and saying, "OH MY GOSH, I AM SOOO EXCITED!" Kim has a more subtle approach - he just smiles. But either way - we are excited!

But I digress.

Do you want to know what the OPPORTUNITY is? Do ya? Do you want me to just tell you right here and right now. This very moment!?

Let me think about it.

::thinking::

Ok, I will tell.

Kim and I have been asked to submit just a few photos that could possibly become the COVER of a new magazine that is about to hit the streets - at least locally. WE ARE SO EXCITED!!!!

Now, it may not pan out this time, but to even have the POSSIBILITY is worth celebrating - well, at least according to my copy of RULES FOR CELEBRATION.

So, tonight I sent the images over and now I have to wait - and wait - and wait. THE AGONY! The issue isn't due out until JUNE! Which is like - ETERNITY!

Breathe - Breathe

The pictures submitted were from a few clients of mine - and one of Sarah for good measure. The type of image they were requesting was very specific so I hope I met their needs.

If'n y'all don't mind - send good thoughts! And - for those clients that gave me the super 'okie doke' on submitting images of their children - THANK YOU! If this all works out and your child is chosen - you betchya I will get you a copy (or three).

Are you sending good thoughts?

I AM SO EXCITED - and now I must go to sleep.

Good Deal on a TuTu

2009-04-19T22:05:00.001-07:00

My girl Gina is a ~~great~~ excellent shopper and is often telling me about the deals she finds at all her favorite haunts - one of them being Ross (or is Marshalls). Well, I had a few extra minutes last week before Sarah's dance class and the car picked up on it cause it drove me straight to Ross (or was is Marshalls) and within SECONDS of being in the store, I found a tutu.

Not just any tutu - but a super frilly, nicely made, bright pink, OH MY GOODNESS it looks like COTTON CANDY tutu... and I bought it. And I have had it tucked away until.. TONIGHT! Despite being sunburned and tired from a long drive, I had to take Sarah out - just for a few minutes, to get a picture in the tutu. And I am so glad I did.

EVERY GIRL (and Tom) should have a tutu!!!

Told you I had Sarah pictures planned - and the bribe? ICECREAM!

Weekend Getaway!

2009-04-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend we headed for the hills! We went on a day(and a half)cation in Tahoe. It was a great trip that involved seeing old school friends (and there deliciously beautiful children), playing in the park, playing in the pool, and even playing in a water troughy thingie (I don't know what it is called - maybe it will be a word of the week on my brother in laws blog) looking for gold... fools gold that is.

We had a great time and the only regret is that we didn't have MORE time.

A few random thoughts on the trip:

I love, and ponder how it is that I can be with a man for 11 years and still find him interesting. That we still have things to talk about, I still learn things about him, that I still sometimes don't listen as closely to what he is saying because I drift off thinking about how damned sexy his lips are. Sorry, just sayin' it like it is.

That there is so much to see and experience in this world, and all within a 2 hour drive. Who knew that a road to the left 'just because' would lead us to discover gold in the hills? I am so glad that Sarah was able to experience an activity that both her dad and I did when we were little. Panning for gold baby - that and rock candy, life is good. Wii games are good, but digging in watery dirt to find the perfect treasure?!?! That's awesome!

How is it that Sarah is growing up so quickly? After unpacking at the resort, putting all her things away in 'her' room, and using every drawer of the dresser AND the nightstand to do it, she came confidently walking in to the living room and asked her dad and I "What's kickin'?" Who is this girl?! It scared me, excites me, and perplexes me all at once. I spent HOURS in the pool with her today... and was in bliss. She is so much fun to be with. It helps that she freely announces that she loves me randomly throughout the day - my heart swoons.

Let's just say that EVERY minute of the trip can't be perfect, so the next thought is this - how can one be getting along perfectly with one's long haired husband and then, with one sentence, everything goes downhill. Just one little sentence can muck things up. Sometimes one word within the sentence is all it takes. Just sayin' that perplexes me. Thankfully we are getting much quicker to apologize to one another. But for the record, he didn't tell me he was thinking of all four, only ONE! Just sayin' Kim, but I love you anyways and always.

But enough words - let the rest be spoken in pictures - here's just a few of our goldmining time together!

Sarah didn't care as much about gold as she did these scrumptious rocks, which made a perfect splash when she later threw them in the 'crick'.

Kim found gold though - a little - but it was purty and shiny and that got Sarah's attention.

Happy Sunday.

Easter 2009

2009-04-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

This Easter we celebrated TWICE! Saturday we had all the kids over for egg coloring, tri-tip, Wii gaming, and general mayhem. Then on Sunday we ventured over to our friends home to have the egghunt extravaganza with Sarah's bff, Bella.

Mom, Lori, Gina.. please forgive the shortage of Sarah's pictures. I had two things going against me, Sarah's general loathing of the camera and that she spent half the day without a shirt. Between nakedness and no direct eye contact - it was a wash. But trust me, I got an outfit and a bribe up my sleeve for an upcoming photo!

Now on with the pictures! Which starts with both girls anxiously awaiting the opening of the back door...

2009-04-16T22:03:00.001-07:00

Oh my gosh! I am bloggin from my phone - while sitting at the computer. But that means I can also blog from meetings! But never while driving. That would be bad. Very very bad.

TODAY IS A SPECIAL DAY

2009-04-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that today is a SPECIAL DAY? Oh yes, a very special day. One that makes me smile from the inside out… makes me want to take the day off and fly to… oh…. I don’t know… COLORADO!

Yes, I wish I could hop on a jet plane and head out to the hills where a very, incredibly special, beautiful, talented, caring, sexy, perfect amount of sassy woman lives. I would say, “Hey sis, let’s go out for lunch and a pedicure!”

We would eat lunch, laugh, smile a lot, and talk about anything we wanted to… and then we would go get a pedicure where we didn’t say anything but just laid our heads back and enjoyed the pampering, the massage, the detailed attention to our toes-ies that would surely encourage us to dig out our flip flops.

Then we would go back to her house and have coffee, talk more, relax more, and realize at 3am that time goes fast when you are with the ones you love.

I would do all this because I would want her to know she is special and because it is her BIRTHDAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! I love you very much and wish that we could spend time together and I could tell you just how glad I am that on April 16th mom gave birth to YOU.

Forever and ever… I love you.

Did I mention that I wish I had her hair? her smile? her eyes? I mean look at her!!! She is so hot-sexy-super-beautiful! And if you think the outsides are whistle worthy - THE BRAIN will really have you goin! Just sayin'. Feel free to leave birthday wishes here - I will see to it she is reading them :)

Sharing Her Talents

2009-04-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

These pictures mean a lot to me... can't even put into words just how much. Won't even try. Just know that these make my heart sing. Cause I can't actually sing... but my sister can... and she was teaching Boo to do the same.

Take a Break!

2009-04-10T14:52:00.001-07:00

WARNING – PISSY POST ABOUT PREDATORS

2009-04-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

For over two weeks I have become increasingly more revolted, disturbed, disgusted, saddened, and just plain mad about a tragedy that took place less than 20 miles from where I live. 20 miles. It may as well be right next door.

In Tracy, CA an 8 year old girl went missing and 10 days later was discovered dead inside a suitcase near an irrigation pond. I am consumed with disgust, grief, and fear all at once. I know this happens everywhere. I know it happens often. I know that there are people in this world that I will NOT understand because I can’t let myself. Not for one second will I allow myself an attempt to get into the mind of someone that can hurt a child. Yes, I purposefully said child. I don’t condone hurting adults either, but for some reason the amount of disgust I am consumed with is increased significantly when I learn that a victim has barely begun their life.

Sandra Cantu was eight years old. She thought she was safe. The damned TV stations still show the video of her skipping down the street just moments before she was abducted. Skipping. She was feeling carefree and safe in her neighborhood. She was probably looking forward to eating dinner and watching a show before she would go to bed and start a new day.

Someone preyed on this little girl and followed through with actions that would forever damage the parents, the relatives, the friends, the neighbors, the community, and the county.

Someone is still walking around today, interacting in this world, looking at other little girls, crossing the paths of parents, glancing at law enforcement as they continue to walk free. This person that had once touched this little girl in a most reprehensible way is shaking hands, exchanging monies, opening doors to stores and going about life while a child is gone forever. This person is still free while I feel caged and insecure in my life, wondering who is just right next door to me, hiding so they don’t see me or my daughters.

As soon as I heard the first report of the missing little girl I was changed. I watched each day, hoping and praying that they would find her. That it was a mishap, that she was at a friends and embarrassed to come home because of the media. But with each day passing I held to Sarah tighter and tighter. I told my husband I wanted to move. I felt an instant and overwhelming need to GET OUT OF TOWN, but then realized, there was nowhere to run that bad didn’t exist. And then I would get ill. Sick to my stomach. I needed to check on Sarah – again and again.

Sandra is no longer here on this earth, her parents are grieving, and I am too.

I know that I cannot even imagine for one single second what the parents and the relatives of Sandra are experiencing; I think I would turn into a pile of uselessness and tears if I tried… I know this because I could not even allow myself to experience my best friends grief – it is beyond my ability or willingness. Nobody should have to hurt from such a horrific loss. And even though I never met Sandra, never met her parents, and pray to God that I have never met the predator that caused such havoc… I am still overwhelmed with my own grief and abhorrence for what has happened.

Last night there was more news reporting of the continued investigation. I think they will get this person, I pray they will. They also reported how it is important to get counseling for children, parents, relatives, neighbors that were affected by this crime. I think it is a nation that needs counseling. I want to know how to cope with the loss, yes, but more so, I want to know if there is anything we can do as a nation to stop these crimes.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Who in this world would ever hurt others, who in this world would want to be hurt?

I am revolted, disturbed, disgusted, saddened and hurt. I don’t want Sarah to ever just “feel” safe – I want her to BE safe. I am reminded that as long as predators exist, she or we never really are.

Watch after yourself and your family in case someone else is too.

I would rather...

2009-04-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

... be doing this:

Happy Birthday Kim

2009-04-05T18:27:00.000-07:00

Forty Five years ago on April 3rd there was an amazing woman that gave birth to an amazing man... and then I married him... YEARS later of course.

On Friday we celebrated Kim's birthday. Mompean style. The whole fam damily got together at a local pizzeria for salad, garlic bread, pizza.. and CAKE!

I love it when we are all together. LOVE IT! Often times, in the midst of all the loud conversation, joking, and laughter I find myself becoming like an audience member instead of a participant in the event. I hear everyone talking, and will even talk back, but all the while I am caught up in my own thoughts with a huge smile on my face and in my heart. I savor the moments we all get together. I look around the room at all the faces and I am so incredibly consumed with happiness. I see Joshua and Bree - married now for over 3 years, Jake and Alicia solid in their relationship for over 8 years, and Harmony... our little girl... little girl of almost twenty three years, all grown up... She came to the party in her own car! Well... the car shared with Brian, her boyfriend of five years.

"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?" I think. When did they grow up and could they be ANY more amazing? I see Joyce and Dave... Joyce, the ringleader of this group. The one responsible for ALL the people at the table. If it weren't for her I would not be graced with such an awesome family. And Uncle Dave... we just don't get to see him enough. The older I get the more I want to soak up this family. I am so incredibly grateful for birthdays as the excuse to round all of us up out of our busy lives and to JUST BE together.

Does anyone else ever get so overwhelmed with the feeling that they are blessed from head to toe? I told Kim today, "Yes, we are dirt poor and should have so much more: a bigger house, a sound retirement account, collage tuition for all the kids.... the list is long, but today, I feel like I am the richest person in the world because of our many blessings such as family and becaue of who we all are as people."

Happy Birthday Babe!

I thought I would get my BAKE on for Kim so I took Friday off and went nuts with Betty Crocker. I thought I would make Kim his very own cake - er uh - super cupcake that is. As you can see in the picture below, Sarah was my decorator... and that chick turned a regular ole iced cupcake into a SHIMMERING BEAUTY OF SUGAR!

I spent my afternoon making and decorating these mini cupcakes for everyone else. I have to say, despite sounding incredibly arrogant... THESE THINGS ARE SO DAMN CUTE! And I hear they were quite tasty too.

As we walked in to the pizzeria all the women in the joint gasped and gushed with oohs, ahhs, and compliments - if they only knew how easy it was! I had one woman ask if I did these beauties for weddings (cause they would be adorable favors). I am still kicking myself for only laughing instead of screaming YES! Grrr.

And just to make note of something - while I am utterly and completely in love with my family - I can tell you that we all worked hard to get here and there were many bumps, bruises, and gashes along the way. If 11 years ago anyone said, "Do you think you will ever enjoy a pizza dinner together?" I would have said, "I am not sure we will enjoy living in a town together." But yet, here we are... with much love and forgiveness... here we are.

Happy Birthday Babe - thank you for letting me share in your life, your family, and your love.

Creative in Bed!

2009-04-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

I love, love, love, love this kind of creativity...

Me in a Collage

2009-03-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I found this site - but I can tell you that once I did I lost an entire 30 minutes! Reminded me of homework Kim and I once did while in our psychology program! Anyhoo - it's me, kinda!

Me - by zoiemompean on Polyvore.com

Senior Sneak Peek!

2009-03-29T23:09:00.001-07:00

Can I getta HOLY MOLY! We had the pleasure of meeting a fabulous senior this weekend and let me just say she was super cool! And gorgeous! She rocked every brick wall, column, and staircase - cause - well - she's a HOTTIE!

Thank you Miss Kayla! Our cameras loves you :)

Here's your sneak peek!

And there is no better time to show off our new senior 411 cards!

Every senior needs their own personal business cards - dontchya think?

Would you like a cup of tea?

2009-03-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that Sarah had a tea party on Saturday?

Yeup! She invited all the dolls she could fit at the coffee table, we got out our finest linens, and of course, the tea set.

She was the most lovely hostess ever and the pictures are no replacement for seeing her in action as she checked on each of her friends, made sure they had sugar and cream, and even some snacks too.

I highly recommend tea parties!

SNEAK PEEKS!

2009-03-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES.... come on!

As promised!!! SNEAK PEAKS!

Kim and I had the pleasure of meeting up with a few clients this weekend to take pictures of their kiddos in celebration of their ADORABLENESS!

First up are pictures of Paul and Liz's FIRST child!
::wink::

Jayden is the coolest little big dude I have ever met! He is full of silliness, smiles, spunk... and he really likes to smile for... Kim.

Sheesh - makes me want another lovie myelf.
Sarah should have a brother, don't you think?

Oops, back to the client!

Is he just not the cutest?!
Wait until they see the rest of them!!!

Swoon!

But that's not all!!!! We also had one of the most adorable

little girls... EVER!

Miss Abby stole what was left of my heart. She is so sweet, so loving, and there is no possible way she could be any cuter.

And the eyes on this girl! THE EYES!

I can hear the sound of broken hearts already!

Without further ado... meet little Abby and all her sweet girlness.

Thank you Liz, Paul, and Alicia.
We had so much fun!

Can I get a WOOT! WOOT!

2009-03-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

What a busy weekend! So much fun! I had the pleasure of photographing my mom-in-law! If you knew Joyce you would soooooo be giving me a WOOT WOOT right now! This woman would rather be cutting her lawn with a pair of old, rusty, dull , broken handled scissors than to be in front of a camera! But on Saturday - she indulged me.

I will admit to slight manipulation on my part.

See, I knew if I said, "Joyce, I would love a picture of you." She might likely say, "Heather, jump into a deep lake with weights on your feet... in 30 degree weather."

Ok, maybe she wouldn't say EXACTLY that, she would probably groan a lot and hem and haw, talk about her many committments that may prevent her from being available... but I guarantee you that the whole time she SPOKE those words she would be wishing me in a lake...

But instead, I had HARMONY call her - her lovely granddaughter whom she adores. I had Harmony ask her to take pictures with her, and with Sarah - the girls - the grandma and her girls - how could she deny that?!?! It worked like a charm!

Saturday we met at UOP for literally a half hour - if that. Joyce really is a busy woman and had things to do, but at least I got a half hour!!! :)

I called Saturday morning to confirm everything - and to be sure she didn't skip town and go hideout at her Tahoe timeshare. I asked what she would be wearing so the girls could semi-coordinate (I like the matchy matchy thing - it is part of my OCD thing. I also have a hard time with perpendicular furniture in a room, but I digress). Joyce said she would be wearing one of her handcrafted penguin sweatshirt.

"Perfect." I said. I had another secret up my sleeve.

When we got to UOP Missy and Boo (Harmony and Sarah) were in their penguin t-shirts that Joyce painted! It was a treat for Joyce I know!

So off we went to snap some pictures and then I said, "Let's get some of JUST YOU!"

She didn't run. If she did I lost enough weight that I could have chased and tackled her anyway. She made the right decision.

Instead, she actually was very cooperative. I didn't need to tie her to a tree or bribe her with marshmellows - she was willing.

And even though I only got a couple - I AM THRILLED!

I wonder if she will be the cover of the Mompeans 2009 Yearbook?? (We do yearbooks each year and everyone's name goes on a piece of paper and in a hat (pot, cup, or sock) and we draw the "COVERPERSON" of the year. Sarah and Josh don't go in the hat anymore - they have 2007 and 2008 covered. Get it - COVERED?!?! HAHAHAHA.

Anyhoo... here's my sweetest, most compassionate and giving mother in law - EVER. Well, she's the only mother in law I have had. But if I had a bunch, she would still be the bestest.

I love you Joyce - thank you you :)

You will first see the warm up sessions of "the girls"... you can even see the tenseness at first in Joyce's face - but then... when it was finally ready for her solo picture - she was looking as beautiful and natural as ever - hell, this woman IS a covergirl!

Then there is this random thing.

I learned to make my own animated images.
Hey, that's worth another WOOT! WOOT!

Edit at 10:40pm: It doesn't do anything.

Edit at 10:50pm: Wait, now it does again, I fixed it.

WOOT! WOOT!

Edit at 11:05pm: Ok, to see it you need to refresh your screen because apparently I didn't make it "loop".

I guess one WOOT! is all I should get,

Oh! Moomp Photography will also be featuring sneak peeks tomorrow for our sessions on Sunday!

Unless a dog eats my computer.

Which is unlikely because I don't have a dog.

It would be more likely for me to spill coffee on the computer.

Which I shouldn't say or TYPE cause that's just tempting fate.

So...

~~spill coffee on the computer~~